If the only way you can make money with your degree is to become a professor teaching the subject…
Then you have–by definition–joined a pyramid scheme.
You Might Also Like
Day 1 of diet:
forgot I was on a diet and had a milkshake and fried chicken. Will try again tomorrow.
therapist: so, how are you feeling?
me: i’m feeling ok
therapist: great! let’s ruin that feeling by unearthing some childhood trauma
Today I’m golfing.
Thoughts and prayers for nearby homeowners.
“I love you” can be the most beautiful words you can hear from someone you truly care about, next to “I got this round.”
I know you’re the instructor but I’ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
How did that guy know he went through the desert on a horse with no name? Did he try asking the horse? Was he aware that it was probably his job to assign a name if there was not already one in place? A lot of things don’t add up here.
A couple drops of super glue on your fingers and you wont pay attention to any other thing on the planet for three hours.
I have way less energy than your average haunted doll.
Me: “Would you like to go on a date?”
Her: “Yes”
Me: “Yeah, it’s cool, I was kind of kidding anyway.”
“Wait, what?!”
[Weasel & mink are cuddling, watching a nature documentary]
Narrator: …the mink, a close relative of the weasel
Weasel: Oh no Susan oh god
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?
I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people……
“that dude just checked out your mom” –two trees outside a library
had a weird insomnia so i put on a movie (Interstellar). i loved it. it made me cry twice and gave me the chills once but it absolutely didn’t help me sleep
Date: I love chicken
Me [trying to impress]: I’m actually a HUGE coward
It’s my Roomba’s birthday so I’m bringing him to the beach and I’m just gonna let him go crazy
Me: Girl you must be tired cos you have been running through my mind ALL day!
Her: really?
Me: nah, you do look tired though.
sex work? uh yeah, I sure hope it does
Please don’t ask me what I’m doing this weekend without first making it clear whether or not you’re going to invite me to something that I’m going to have to make up a lie to get out of
DATE: what’s with the tattoo?
ME: that’s Alcatraz
DATE: “prison tats” are not normally of the actual prison building
why in the hell am i in my kitchen right now letting this casserole win?
Bro,I seriously locked myself outta my jeep.
He was driving a top-less jeep with the windows down.
Cop: Ma’am can you describe the panty thief?
Her: White male, early 40s, overweight
Me from the closet: Husky, I prefer to be called husky
No one EVER looks surprised when you tell them you cut your own hair.
Alien Archeologist: this human was buried covered in chicken bones, we theorize he believed in a poultry afterlife.
Me: (25,000 years earlier, climbing into a KFC dumpster in the dead of night)
I HAD
THE TIME OF MY LIFE
AND I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE
me to the dentist: can u make my teeth more how u say al dente
The human body is 70% water and 30% land
Generally when you hear the phrase “hold my beer and watch this”
Just dial 911
got kicked out of the library this morning for starting a mosh pit
Once I ate 32 consecutive flavorless oreos before realizing they were checkers