Are there a lot of first-person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me?
You Might Also Like
I just got a text saying they lost my cell number & could I send it. This is the level of stupid I deal with.
The name Corey is short for Coriander. Coreys will try & tell you it’s not but they are lying.
‘Believe me I am a expertise when it comes to lovemaking.’
I believe you Internet stranger.
I totally believe you.
I figure soon we will be grounding our children by sending them outside to play
I saw my therapist’s notes and instead of using my name he just refers to me as “the combatant”
Quick question: do you pee before or after sex? I pee after. I haven’t been able to pee in months
Hold a grudge? I’m still mad at a song from 1995 that confused irony with coincidence.
*coworker stares at me as I unpack lunch*
Me: leave
CW: why?
Me: I’m never bringing a banana to work again, okay Todd!?!?
Biden: I told him that we call in attacks on countries by blocking them on Twitter.
O: Joe…
Biden: Trust me.
I’m wildly unpopular in dessert circles for my hot hollandaise ice cream sundaes.
My husband asked me to iron a shirt, so to be nice, I went out and bought him the same shirt with no wrinkles.
Kindly respect my midwestern lifestyle and do not make any crude or irreverent jokes at this time.
ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
I ruined our romantic honeymoon to Venice by pronouncing canal wrong the whole time. You know how. You get it. I grow weary of this website
I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, “I’m peeing in here!”
I have a migraine and my stomach hurts. A fast food burger and fries should help.
I’m Lactose Intolerant, which means I rarely find missing children.
[in bed]
ME: [turning off table lamp] I’ve finally finished my book
WIFE: What happened in the end?
ME: I saw his stripy shirt behind a tree
The grass looks greener on the other side because it’s fertilized with bullshit.
Just got asked to promote something on my Twitter. I laughed. My followers would hate that! I was so mad I had to cool down with a Pepsi™
Him: I’m an animal person
Me: *nervous* So like, a shapeshifter?
WHY ARE WE ALLOCATING EMERGENCY AID FOR THE ARTS?
Screamed by people who have been watching Netflix, reading books, and playing video games for 18 hours/day.
Wearing a rollerblade on one foot and an ice skate on the other so you are prepared for any type of terrain.
TV meteorologist: “And now it’s time for the extended forecast (clears throat) foooooorrrrrrecaaaaaaaassssssst”
Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I drink some beer.
I call this the Heineken maneuver.
The skeletons in my closet are making inappropriate sexual advances at the monsters under my bed!
I feel bad for all the non-violent clowns who live in sewers
you: let’s get this bread
j.d. salinger, an intellectual: let’s catch this rye
I really don’t have much respect for those that take drugs and alcohol.
Like Customs, for example.
Why are coroners in movies always eating sandwiches? Anyway… Good Morning.