[after bowling]
Me: that was fun
Date: you whispered “bowling” every time you rolled the ball
Me: it helps me aim
[later in bed]
Me: *whispering* bo-
Her: -no
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USA: Everybody get a shark to protect you from other sharks
If you think the astronauts on the space station are getting on your nerves, imagine how annoyed they are with each other
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ME: have you restarted your computer?
MY MOM: (very sadly) I was hoping you’d have a better idea.
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Cute Male Nurse: I need to untie your gown.
Me: Not on the first date.
#SaidWhileUnderAnesthesia
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HIM: …
ME: *slides him another fish*
HIM: “Have a good day, sir.”
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