The only way I would find gender reveal parties even remotely okay is if the guests had the option to boo when the gender is revealed
You Might Also Like
The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist.
~Australian drivers, apparently.
“Florida is insane.” Bro, we ain’t even trying right now. Imagine how powerful we would be if we all had dental insurance.
Almost fell down the stairs. Will try again tomorrow.
Watching someone cook is really sexy.
But I recommend you make sure they are unconscious before you put them in the pan.
I’m not the fun “Why not?” friend, I’m the friend who will tell you why not.
thanks for your constructive criticism! i hated it and will be telling my mom about this
Sorry I threw firewood at you and yelled “shoo”, but with the amount of eye liner you wear, you resemble the raccoons that raided my cooler.
[buying condoms] Do you have anything bigger? Like if someone wanted to pretend to be a slippery ghost for a day, or something like that.
I hate when doctors knock before they come in. Like what do you want me to say “who is it?”
[Beatles recording session]
Ringo: ♫I’d like to be
John: Nice beat
R: ♫Under the sea
Paul: Oh exotic
R: ♫In an octopus’s garden
George: WTF?
People: “I want 2020 to be like the roarin’ twenties!”
Earth: “Alright, infectious disease is spreading.”
People: “No, not like that.”
Earth: “The US stock market is tanking.”
People: “Wait…”
Earth: “LMAO Bars can’t be open anymore.”
I went to church today just to thank God I’m not Miley Cyrus.
I stand right next to the “God Hates Fags” guy with a sign that says “Please Ignore My Ex-Boyfriend”
*runs into the back of wife’s leg with the grocery cart for the 5th time*
me: We meet agai-
wife: Go wait in the car
me: Ok
My grandma just called to tell me that if “I’m really a lesbian it’s okay, because that girl from Juno is and she is very rich.”
“Hola! I’m Señor Coconut, children”
[cracks head on the pavement. Children scream]
“Drink me. Drink me. I’m full of vitamins and minerals”
Noah: it’s starting to rain hurry up you two
Bob the Unicorn: whew we made it
Joe the Unicorn: yeah just in time
During labour, nurse came up to me & said, ‘How about Epidural Anesthesia?’ I was like, ‘Thanks, but I already picked a name.
The best thing about coming from a big family is being able to talk louder than normal people.
Equally cool alternatives to air guitar:
Air slap bass
Air harmonica
Silent pig auctions
Balloons hitting people
The letter Q
nyc:
You’re right. My money don’t jiggle jiggle. That’s the folds of my dad bod. Yea. They wiggle wiggle too.
I take a prop microphone wherever I go. If a reporter sticks a mic in my face during a tragedy, I can pull out my own and return the favor.
Keep your friends close and your flamethrower closer.
live, laugh, laundry.
Dog: When are we going for a walk?
Me: Just let me finish my sandwich*Dog steals and eats my sandwich
Dog: Okay, I’m ready
Science: Domesticated dogs are most closely related to gray wolves.
My dog: please break this treat into much smaller pieces
“Baby last night you were so hot, let’s do it all over again this morning.”
-me, speaking to this leftover pizza.
I’ve found that whenever God closes a door, Satan hands me a lockpick.