Good morning, here are some ABBA songs that could also be about Mario:
• Mamma Mia
• Money, Money, Money
• Super Trooper
• Name of the Game
• I’ve Been Waiting For You
• The Winner Takes It AllPlease let me know if there are any more.
You Might Also Like
Unicorns: *just jabbing holes in everything*
Noah: nope.
[waxing salon]
ME: I need to make a waxing appointment.
ASSOCIATE: You want a Brazilian?
ME: No, I don’t need that many.
*Infinite space outside*
A fly: I’m gonna nail this chick’s eardrum!
If cooking blogs were tweets:
Here’s how to make really easy sugar cookies!
🧵 1/246
Nobody ever mentions one of the greatest joys of being a parent is mocking your kids in an annoying voice, repeating what they whined about
If you watch Jeopardy backwards it’s about 3 idiots who pay a Canadian to answer a bunch of hidden questions.
You know that chick who said, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?”…
Yeah, well I ate her.
whelp that’s enough instagram for today
I got this box of water on my flight last night. It is not better. It tastes like a petting zoo
Dear Fox news,
I have yet to see any news about foxes.
Sincerely,
disappointed viewer.
We have to ban straws to keep them out of the ocean, because a shark with a mouthful of straws can drain a human of blood in seconds.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people.
“Alright get in the basket.“
Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.
The other day I opened the center console in my wife’s vehicle and chap sticks sprang out of there like snakes in a can.
in hell your cat can talk and he openly judges you for everything he saw you doing when you were home alone
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Me, knowing girls dig bad boys: sorry I didn’t text u back babe I was grounded.
I accidentally used my mom’s fabric scissors to cut wrapping paper and now the cops are here
My kids can’t find any clean clothes because they packed them all for a trip. We leave in 5 weeks
I never related to movies as a kid. Like in Home Alone when Kevin says to his Mother “I am upstairs you dummy” I couldn’t understand how he was still alive after that.
I scream “You haven’t seen the last of me!” & follow with maniacal laughter before slowly backing away.
The pharmacist smiles kindly.
Eggs Benedict are delicious if you don’t mind having a breakfast that’s also spying on you.
The “Allosaurus you can eat” buffet was very popular with Jurassic Park visitors. After the fences failed it was also popular with the Allosaurus.
TSA AGENT: take off ur shoes please
ME: [hiding counterfeit pokemon cards in my shoes] the dude in front of me said he has a grenade
I asked 14 to do me a favor, and he said, ”okay.” Then deliberately fell face first into the mattress on my bed.
Same kid, same.
Found my cat’s phone, just hundreds of photos of me sleeping. Weird.
Still cleaning up glitter from my 5yo’s school project.
She turns 15 on Sunday.
I have a splitting headache today.
Voldemort must be back from the dead and attempting to kill me.
Some say Obama is the biggest liar of all time..
I say, the person who chose the spelling of, “Colonel” is the biggest liar of all time
My kids and I have developed an intricate system of hand gestures to communicate nonverbally. Our go to gesture is the throat slit.