Sasquatch is just a regular quatch who tells it like it is.
You Might Also Like
*watches wife take out ice cream
*watches wife scoop ice cream into bowl
*watches wife eat ice cream
Me: SO WHATCHA DOIN’
If you watch an Apple store get robbed, are you an iWitness?
oh so you rich guys throw the water out after you boil hotdogs. too good for hotdog soup. too good to dab the soup on your wrists like colog
I’m not saying boys make things harder and messier than girls but I watched my son make a root beer float last night pouring the root beer in first so I’m not not saying it.
Wait, so hallways in mental institutions aren’t called psychopaths? Well they should be.
Moses: Thanks for the mana in the desert.
God: No problem.
Moses: But since you can make anything-
God: FOR THE LAST TIME, NO PIZZA.
Her: [eating lettuce for dinner] so yeah, with those 3 small changes, I lost 4% body fat.
Me: [eating a beer for dinner] fight me
I remember being about 6 years old and my grandfather did an Easter egg hunt for me and my sister. We looked for hours and found nothing. He later told us it was to teach us a very valuable lesson: Easter is not in November.
WARNING: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.
found this sweet little abandoned chocolate lab at the park today
why is college the only institution that keeps asking you for donations after you’ve already paid? if my dentist called every 6 months saying “donate $200 to be in the Elite Teeth Club” I would call the police
I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive I might as well go to therapy
It was taking a really long time for the salt shaker to fill up and then I remembered that I’m high.
What’s that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day? I want to know her secret
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 7.
Me: *googles my symptoms*
WEBMD: drunk for the last 6 days
Vacation is just your wife not liking any of your restaurant suggestions closer to the ocean.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
I just asked my kids to jump into a bubbling magma pit.
Just kidding, I asked them to eat the dinner I cooked for them, but their reaction fits that magma scenario
Guys are always ‘just kidding’ unless you say yes
Boss “I’m looking for a volunteer.”
Me *chops off own legs “I can’t!”
Co-worker “I’m busy, sorry.”
Me “damn, that’s a better excuse.”
Her: You should meditate.
Me: And be alone with my thoughts? No thank you.
me: do you sell ducks?
him: yes, but they’re going quick
me: ok i’ll take one*later*
duck: quick!
me: i see
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called ‘Knees and Toes’
Not being an heiress has ruined my life
Track coach: run like the wind!
Dude from Oklahoma: *spins*
My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.
Nothing says warm summer days like choosing between drinking a bottle of ice-cold kombucha or ranch
My 3yo and 4yo are screaming at each other about privacy. Isn’t it ironic?
Telling a child to wipe his hands on the napkin 8 inches in front of him instead of his shirt is a great way to get rid of excess breath.