Ned Stark is just a gay Boromir.
You Might Also Like
*spreads Purell onto my English muffin*
Did you know that McDonald’s once sold a burger named after the Hamburglar? It was discontinued however because the meat was too robbery.
“Men are pigs” – misandrist &/or world’s worst biologist
If I hadn’t heard these words my entire life, “nooks and crannies” would sound like slurs
Those plastic bags in the produce department that are so hard to get open are designed to keep your ego in check. Its intentional.
Liam Neeson is going to find that hour we lost.
Where do you weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow … weigh a pie…
Christmas is becoming more and more commercialised every year. Pushing up prices in every sector
This tweet is brought to you by Tesco
Maybe the guy yelling random words into the sky at the bus-stop isn’t crazy..
…maybe he’s just trying to figure out 2020’s safe word
6-year-old: Why do cars have cup holders?
Me: For cups.
6: But you can’t drink and drive.
There’s 2 types of idiots in the world.
1. You
2. All the other idiots
I don’t forgive or forget. I make voodoo dolls.
me: oh it’s so nice out I think I’ll wear shorts and a tank top
*5000000 mosquitoes like this post*
I’ve learnt a lot from the movies over the years, such as how to count using Roman numerals…
I, II, III, IV, V, Balboa.
The infuriating thing about language is that if you describe this as a “fun little red rubber ball” you’re fine but if you call it a “rubber fun red little ball” you sound like you had a stroke, even though there is no official rule about order of adjectives.
Why are so many men suddenly curious who my father is right in the middle of our lovemaking?
[first date]
OK don’t let her know you’re a snail
Waiter: Would you like some salt?
[flips table over] OH HELL NO [bolts out real slowly]
Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.
rumpelstiltskin: you must guess my name or surrender your first born
barista: *under breath* shit
Mom: how’s therapy
Me: ok. my anxiety is better
Mom: great
Me: yeah
Mom:
Me:
Mom: so did u get the article I sent u about the flesh eating b
Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid😭😂
If my mother only knew the things I say on Twitter………. I’d be sitting in the corner with a bar of soap in my mouth and grounded.
*friend you haven’t spoken to in years posts photos of their marriage*
wow thanks for the invite beth did our 6 weeks of drivers ed together mean nothing to u
Guy at door: How would you like to make a donation to our local orphanage?
Dad: yea sure [yells up to me] son, you live with this guy now!
When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.
The only thing worse than sitting down on a cold toilet seat is sitting down on a warm toilet seat.
Unpopular opinion but siren songs low key kinda slap
ⓘ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗮
I love in films like 300 where the main guy will say something like “get some sleep, for tomorrow we battle to death”, and everyone just goes into deep sleep, in some wet grass, fully clothed. I can’t get to sleep in a warm bed if I have a 10am conference call about content.
“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?”
Well, Katy, I’m thin, weak, white, and I hurt the environment so I guess that’s a pretty apt simile