Adorable idea. Colleagues have been writing names on their food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yoghurt called Debbie

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I’m not gay but I support their “agenda” – working, having a family, living in safety and fair, equal treatment.
Pretty radical shit.


A death metal song about an Excel spreadsheet not doing what I want.


A Haiku For My Salad:

I do not like you
You will never be grilled cheese
You make my mouth sad


How about a meat that is also a dental floss? – Pitch for prosciutto


Annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there’s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time


Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it.


Santa: hey I’m 🎶coming to town!

me: oh great that’s-

Santa: I see you when you’re sleeping. I know when you’re awake

me: uh

Santa: I know if you’ve been bad or good so-

me: please don’t come to town


A national monument to those brave online heroes who were “First!” in comments.


People used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a standup comic. Well, no one’s laughing now. Wait.


fired for “unleashing rats at work” which is bull shit first off because they don’t make leashes for rats