*has to pee*
*gets up to pee*
Adorable idea. Colleagues have been writing names on their food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yoghurt called Debbie
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Got Christmas card glitter all over me and now I can’t stop stripping.
“So, do you play any instruments?”
Me: *slaps knees for 30 minutes straight without breaking eye contact*
What do you call a potato/corn crime fighting duo?
Starchy and Husk
ME: sometimes i just repeat your name instead of laughing
HANNAH: that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard
I enjoy April Fool’s Day because I like responding to fake pregnancy announcement texts with “no wonder you’ve been looking chubby”.
Interviewer: where do ya see yourself in 5yrs
Me: going through a Denny’s trash bin
I: but you might get this job
M: haha that’s… irrelevant
Pete Davidson probably just knows how to load the dishwasher properly
“I like big nuts and I cannot lie/Raisins, M&Ms I can’t deny”
-Sir Trail Mix-A-Lot