Instructor: Welcome to our Summer with Kids Preparedness class. Our first lesson is how to apply sunscreen. Everyone grab an angry raccoon.
Based on the TV shows I watched as a kid I was expecting a lot more pies to the face by this point in my life.
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daughter: what if the easter bunny actually is a huge rabbit
me: heh what else could it be
me: [alone w my thoughts] what else could it be
“You are what you eat.”
I’m about 90% burrito.
*hand touches hot stove*
BRAIN: GET IT OFF NOW NOW
*mouth eats hot food*
BRAIN: CHEW FASTER. JUGGLE IT WITH YOUR TONGUE. DON’T BE A QUITTER
WHY DOES THIS BOTTLE OF BODY WASH HAVE DIRECTIONS PRINTED ON IT
My time has come.
When in doubt, ignore an unknown number on your mobile, never hit Reply All, and always wear clothes when you step out of your house.
Just know that when I say “the other day” I actually mean anytime between yesterday and 10 years ago.
Auto correct is like when a 3yo kid wants to help wash the car.its a nice gesture but really its just slowing shit down! 🙂
my cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it’s giving me serious ideas, folks