Times when the world seems different somehow:
– being in your elementary school as an adult
– being in a pool when it rains
– train stations at night
– when the ghost of the girl who died in your building tells you to get out or die
– walking through fresh snow by yourself
Caesar: Et tu, Brute?
Brutus: We told you not to wear Crocs.
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Her: I love your eyes.
Me: Thanks, they were a set…
The lead singer of Chumbawamba died earlier today. During his autopsy his body got knocked down…and that’s when things got interesting.
Me: awww what’s your dog’s name?
Me: [yells to Wife] TRY SPARTACUS!
Wife: [at computer] DIDN’T WORK!
Me: what’s your favorite number?
im a cat and i FREaking love turning potential energy into kinetic *pushes glass off table* your going to feed and keep me for some reason
When I tell people I used to have a time machine a lot of them ask why I didn’t kill Hitler and I explain that my time machine broke shortly after I murdered Smithsen and when they ask who Smithsen was I always say “you’re welcome”
me: Gimme one more
wife: I think you’ve had enough
m: Last one
m: *asks waitress for another kids menu so I can do the maze*
I hate being bipolar it’s awesome
No thanks, Trix cereal. I have enough drama in my life without a rabbit trying to steal my breakfast.
*getting caught filling up neighbor’s trash can*
Omg Karen, I just looove your trash can! Where did you get it?