Fun fact: The average Canadian swallows eight moose per year in their sleep.
Drink responsibly? Responsibility is why I drink.
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Answering all my mom’s texts today with lyrics from Gangster’s Paradise.
a rock fell out my pocket and i crouched down to find it and a bunch of people helped like i lost a contact. had to pretend it wasn’t a rock
If your cat brings home a dead bird and presents it to you, don’t be rude. Take a little bite.
Weird; People in my office have started naming the food in the company fridge. Today I ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
I will NEVER make the same mistake twice … In a row. They’re in rotation.
Looking to join a group where every once in awhile somebody screams “fan out!” and we all do.
I can never tell if my cat left a dead bird at my door, or if it’s the dead bird I ordered from Amazon.
Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’
Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’
Careful…I’ve already had our entire fight in my head and it doesn’t end well for you.