Fact: The purpose of waking up with hangovers when you’re young is to prepare you for how it feels to wake up when you’re old.

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Maybe my grandma stayed married for 50 yrs because she never said stuff like “I just wish he would support me, you know, creatively.”


Pringles, it’s time to widen the can. Your target demographic isn’t thin-wristed.


The new Samsung phone shares every picture you take with all your friends as soon as you take it.

Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?


They say you will eat around 23 spiders in your life, but really you can eat as many as you want. Treat yourself, you deserve it.


My kids just connected worlds in Minecraft. So now they can fight in a virtual universe too.


WTH! @ The audience that just sat and watched the first ever magician to saw a lady in half.


When my 9 year old gets off the phone with his girlfriend, I’m going to ask him for some dating advice.


PETER PIPER: honey i picked another peck of pickled peppers

WIFE: [motioning to pantry already full of peppers] peter literally what the fu


*ring ring* Hello?
“If u want to see ur son again give me $500,000”
“I won’t if u-”
Haha gotcha, leave a message