Good for you, the 3 people trying to keep MySpace alive. Good. For. You.

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*I gently close front door

Dog: Where have you been?? I was worried sick about you! See that vomit on the floor? That’s because of you!


Dentist: Did you deliberately loosen this tooth?

Me: Why would I do that?

D: ok…[extracts tooth & hands me a lolly]

Me: *winks at camera*


Me: what’s the deal with airplane food

Baby: I don’t know it just tastes better when you make that noise


#Itssocoldthat..A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring


BOSS: How many words can you type a minute?
ME: Probably all of them
BOSS: What do you mean?
ME: Well, like for example, pickle


All of these time capsules I just dug up have bodies in them?