@SlabBaconBP

I don’t hate my job. I just really enjoy curling up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the backseat of my car during lunch.

You Might Also Like

@JohnLyonTweets

Can’t, I just saw a Facebook post that said one Thanksgiving dish is going away forever and I have to vote so we don’t lose pie.

@Bill_Nye_Tho

there’s literally no way to know for sure how many chameleons are chillin in your house right now

@Lisa_Laughs_

I’m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest you in despair and disappointments?

@UncleDuke1969

Kids today have it easy!

In the old days, before smartphones & Instagram, by the time we finished the painting, our food was already cold.

@Not_From_Troy

UNNATURAL ~>Homosexuality

NATURAL ~> Virgins giving birth, talking snakes, dead coming back to life, walking on water.

Confused yet?

@birbigs

It’s sad that a few fake Nigerian princes have ruined it for all the good Nigerian princes who are just looking to wire 24 million dollars.