I just made my daughter a grilled cheese and her response was “this is perfect, I bet you can’t do it twice” so yes, she knows how to play the game
You Might Also Like
I would like to nominate my husband for Father of the Year for having the innovation to rename Tomato Soup to Ketchup Soup, thereby getting our kids to actually eat it.
Him: what are you thinking about?
Me: how difficult do you think it would be to debone the little mermaid if you planned on filleting and eating her?
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs.
For a second, I thought, “Should I help?”
Then I thought, “No…6 should be enough.”
Raise the roof!
The roof is on fire!
Hit the club!
Bust those moves!
Burning the dance floor!– RL partying sounds so violent
I saw a lady at work today doing “breathing exercises” and realized for the first time how lucky I was that breathing came naturally to me.
My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.
We are 47 years old.
Superwife! Gets pissed faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than your longest friendships. Leaps your decisions in a single bound.
I’m at that age where the most pain-free method of putting on socks is to just throw them at my feet and hope for the best.
Life begins and ends with diaper rash, so enjoy the time in between.
“…until death do us part.”
*looks at minister*
“What about a Walking Dead situation where she’s a zombie? Then I can bang other chicks?”
I love it when someone texts “come on, your a smart girl” in a condescending manner and totally misses the irony of it. I am smart, but you’re* not.
Donating blood today to make room for more food
All I’m saying is nothing is more annoying than people who ask “Why do you let them annoy you?”
Things the GOP has battled this week:
1. Ethics
2. Intelligence
“Eating sugar will only make you feel better for a few minutes!” yeah as opposed to not eating sugar, which will make you feel better for zero minutes
I really need someone to follow me around Target to say “No. No. Put that back. You don’t need that. You already have 4 of those at home.”
So wait, fruits and nuts are only healthy when they’re not covered in chocolate?
Dieting is bullshit.
So many flashing lights and alarms on the new refrigerator. I think it might be a first responder.
Caesar [dying]: remember me
Soldier: we will name a salad after you
Caesar: ok
Soldier: with stale chunks of bread
Caesar: actually nev-
Soldier: and tiny pieces of fish and cheese
Caesar: wow ok so no one liked me
Those traps inside ancient temples still work after thousands of years but you sit on your ear buds ONE time…
The tornado siren was just going off here, but I think I can make it to the liquor store.
asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can
“This is why I hate fancy restaurants, I can never pronounce anything on the menu”
-me, drunk, holding the Waffle House menu upside down
I’m tired of “working hard” and “trying my best.” I want to be a raccoon who just found a whole container of chow mein in a trash can
were your parents the last ones to pick you up from school or are you normal
They made everything too expensive I have no choice but to become a rich celeb now
Saw 2 of my kids hugging and then realized they were choking each other and was like, ok, that makes more sense.
manure salesmen ask ”do you want flies with that?”
hey joggers instead of those dumb little shorts you should wear batman costumes so I can feel like my neighborhood is protected
Yes but what if Donald Trump IS actually dead but his toupee is alive and steering him round like a marionette?