“Voop voop voop voop voop voop voop voop voop.”
I want to become a librarian so bad. I love books but I love telling people to shut up even more.
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The inventor of Gogurt has died. He would like you to open his urn along the dotted line and splatter half the ashes all over your shirt.
frankly, people look at you different after you lick them.
HIM: What do you think happens to us when we die?
ME: Funerals, you idiot.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Barney only he’s just a regular T Rex who doesn’t know why he’s been left in charge of young mammals or where their parents are, but he’s a total dad so he’s gonna do it.
First, that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!
I want to be a dog and have someone feed me treats for sitting down.
Wife: Sometimes women like bad boys.
Me: Well I just replaced real garlic in this recipe with powdered garlic.
Wife: *fans herself*
JERY: Maybe you can just go back
TERESA MAY: go back ?
JERY: Ya. pretend brexit never happened.
MAY: you mean just walk into the EU meeting on Monday morning like it never hapened?
JERY: Sure. People dont take england seriously