@ch000ch

i was doing yard work today when i stopped to tell a pile of leaves how cold fusion works. needless to say they were blown away.

You Might Also Like

@LeftOf_Normal

If you want people to stop talking,
pull out a stop watch, start it and keep staring at it.

@Aspersioncast

Whatever happened to that little girl from The Ring, did she grow up to be Kristen Stewart?

@Jenny4ashley

Who cares if you break a damn mirror. If you think 7 years of bad luck is hell, try breaking a condom.

@gloomfather

The corona virus should mutate into something nice for a change

@DaveJPrimo

The human body is 98% water.
So I’m not fat,
Just well hydrated.

@smoney12

Theres a new machine at the gym. I only used it for 1 hr because I started to feel sick but its awesome! Its got Skittles, M&M’s…everything!

@thenoahkinsey

When someone at the gym asks if I’m “using that equipment”, I say “No, my love for it is real.” To date, I’m the only one to find that funny

@Xtina_Crawford

The me who had a cocktail and then signed up to bake 200 holiday cookies, chaperone the field trip, and decorate the classroom door, and the me who has to actually do all that this week are two very different people.

@bornmiserable

Jay Z: Can I get a what what?
Teacher: Jay Z, can you or may you?
Jay Z: SORRY MAY I GET A WHAT WHAT
Teacher: Yes, you may get a what what.