@i_Lean “Name him Mufasa, it means “king” in Manazoto. And uh, we’ll call HIM Scar. Because his face.”
Simba’s grandparents were the real villains.
@darinlovesbacon If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I’m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
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@i_Lean 
@PinkCamoTO I miss the 80s, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police.
@howlinglow I sexually identify as a hand grenade
@zbinski The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
@NickSwardson I hope this year they have the courage to legalize diarrhea.
@tchrquotes It’s hard to believe in God when every time I go to Subway the person in front of me has NO IDEA HOW SUBWAY WORKS.
@GreenishDuck You’re on your deathbed. You gather the strength to utter your last words “Boxers with pockets,” you say. “You’ll never have to wear pants.”
@lisaxy424 I told this cashier she kinda looked like Lorde, and as I was walking out, heard the lady behind me assure her she did not look like Jesus.
@Manda_like_wine Rose petals? Next time scatter something I can eat.
@Luiseach this is 10/10 content no notes
