@LoveNLunchmeat [watching basketball]
I bet these guys all have really big *husband stares at me* feet.
And that’s how you get him to turn off the game.
@NikiWithIssues If he says I love you and you’re not ready to say it back, just say “I know.” He’ll think you’re being cute and quoting Star Wars. Win-Win.
You Might Also Like
@LoveNLunchmeat 
@Cpin42 Barista won’t write “Air Bud was bullshit” on my coffee cup. We’ve been arguing for 20 minutes. HE’S A DOG THAT PLAYS BASKETBALL
@AndyRichter Fun to hear newscasters, while their chopper hovers over an active crime scene, scold people “the last thing the police need is spectators”
@Thuggedraccoon Friggin’ narcs ruin everything
@PostCultRev Saw a guy with two sheathed machetes walking through a Winco once, like he thought he was gonna have to Mortal Kombat his way into getting a 24-pack of Orange Shasta
@itsBABYSMITH the squirrels are playing dodgeball with acorns again, must be mating season
@Storminika I walked past a lady in her car with convertible down. She locked the door out of fear. So I smacked her in the back of the head & ran way
@koi_takleef_ Why the phone ring longer when u ignoring the call
@ValeeGrrl 6yo: ONCE I HAVE CHEST HAIR I’LL BE A MAN & THEN LADIES CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE
Husband: *dies laughing*
@bridger_w Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it’s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair