
Donald be careful.
Donald watch out.
Donald look both ways.
Donald Duck!
If you leave me a voicemail that just says “call me back, I have a question” I am coming to burn your house down.
Donald be careful.
Donald watch out.
Donald look both ways.
Donald Duck!
Catch a spark… Set the world on fire!
– Incinerational Tweet
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
No Grandma, a friend with benefits is not someone who lends you a cup of sugar.
[first day of creation]
GOD: *stuck in traffic* oh no I’m not gonna make the light
“I’m away at school for one day and you give away my room?!”
*Closes refrigerator door and hears contents inside fall*
Well… sounds like a problem for the next person.
Co-worker insists on talking with his mouth full. No one can ever understand him. Wish we had a dentist was in the house to interpret.
“I’m so stoked!”
-An excited fireplace
Him: You smell nice. What is that?
Me: [twirling my hair] Cough drops