@JasonNotEvil [first day on bomb squad]
blue red yada yada yada i get the gist
@Leslie_Annie My 10 yr old daughter was saying how stressful life is but she did add “well, at least I’ve managed to go 10 years without drinking”
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@JasonNotEvil 
@lucidchemistry I found if you put the right stickers on your cooler and walk as fast as you can they’ll let you in any part of the hospital you want.
@Kim_pulsive Lorde wrote her Grammy nominated album at age 14. My son is 13 and has let the bathtub overflow twice while he was sitting INSIDE of it.
@OneyeBogey Plan “T” is going to work out, I have a good feeling about this one.
@BrooksErrDay584 *1st date*
[Be cool, just dont let her know youre a 1st generation PS3]
So where do y-
*internal cooling fan drowns out entire conversation*
@JimmerThatisAll My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
@AlanFelyk In the movies, when the bad guy takes someone out to forest at gunpoint and tells them to dig, WHY do all the victims-to-be dig?
I say let ‘em shoot you, and they can dig the damn hole themselves.
@PinkCamoTO *pulls up pants*
Oh, you said ANNUAL review. Well, this is embarrassing. But just for reference, how’d I do?
@causticbob Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for “hardcore poem”?
@Writepop Why do I have so many fruit flies in my apartment? All the fruit I have is either gummy or schnapps.