i’ve dated so many tools i could open a home depot
Raggedy Andy knew he was becoming a man when he noticed yarn where there wasn’t yarn before.
You Might Also Like
*finds all 7 dragonballs
*dragon appears* “WHAT IS YOUR WIS…OH GODDAMMIT CHAD, FOR THE LAST TIME I CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT NICKELBACK”
older women will do that thing you like.
Does anyone ever put a chip with too much dip on it into their mouth, then shove a second chip in there to even out the chip to dip ratio?
Saw a tweet about foods to help your sex life.
I need sex to help my sex life, not food.
HIM: My new girlfriend’s name is “Bella”. That means “Beautiful” in Italian.
ME: It also means “War” in Latin…so good luck with that.
Mickey: ok but that’ll be $20 extra
*Mickey puts on bow and heels*
I carry tumbleweed so I can let it roll across the floor during awkward silences.
Hair pulling during sex is hot unless the whole wig comes off.