Sociophobia is the fear of friends.
Sociophoebea is the fear of just the ditzy one.
You Might Also Like
My lack of exercise is really catching up to me. Now it’s passing me. Wow, my lack of exercise is in great shape.
Camping tip: No.
“Mommy! We made pancakes!” and other terrifying things unsupervised children say.
My dad says “sometimes I say shit just so she’ll give me the silent treatment!” True love! 🙂
9 was yelling and throwing pencils & books around bc he couldn’t do his maths homework so I sat down with him to help and now 9 and I are both yelling and throwing pencils & books around bc we can’t do his maths homework
[spelling bee]
Judge: your word is tennis
Me: s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s
Judge:
Me:
Judge: please spell it again i lost count
Me drunk dialling “oh sorry wrong number”, my Dad “now wait a minute”.
I’m sorry I ate your food but you just kept taking pics of it instead of eating it.
I’m 45. When does my baby fat finally go away?
the group chat when I ask who’s available to play next week
I’m not an asshole. I’m just a guy who won’t tolerate stupidity unless it’s coming out of the mouth of a naked woman.
I think Titanic is fake because, how do they record it when they are all dieing in the water?
Sorry I threw sliced bread at you when you were taking a duck face selfie
A Post-It note on every wine bottle at home that just says DON’T CUT YOUR HAIR AGAIN THAT WAS BAD
me: for lent i’m giving up kids
kids: what?
me: [pushing kids out the door into the snow] i gotta do it for God
Ever since I bought this Queen mattress I’ve got shivers down my spine, body’s aching all the time.
Police found the neighbourhood paedophile shot in the head 27 times. Authorities ruled it the worst case of suicide in a decade.
The 1yo did 4 squats and then ate a cookie so he’s my new personal trainer now.
Doctor: When he wakes from this coma, we don’t know if he’ll be the same or have brain damage
Me *opening eyes* gonna buy a duck and call it Dan Quackroyd
Doctor: Oh no
Wife: Oh shit he’s the same
[i’m on the ship’s deck, dragging around a board by a rope]
PIRATE CAPTAIN: *rubs temples* that’s not what i meant by “walk the plank”
Me, hold a grudge? Never. I carry a battle axe at all times and settle any nonsense as it happens.
I want Grandmmarly, the app that passive aggressively corrects my grammar but also mails me a 5 dollar bill on my birthday
My daughter used to be afraid of the monster in her closet but like I told her, it’s the ones under your bed that you really need to worry about
My son got hungry so I gave him a snack. His teacher is gonna say how he can’t eat and before I knew it, I yelled from the kitchen “Girl, he is at home honey!” & then there was silence…….
maybe my uterus is haunted, or maybe there’s an actual shark up there
BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES
Son: what are electric eels?
Me: eels but electric
Son: are there other electric animals?
Me, looking at the cat & the toaster: not yet
Pro tip: Make sure your email to the HR lady doesn’t say she seems too busty to handle your issues
Homeschooling, Day whatever: This school really needs a new janitor.