@1Happytwit

Sometimes it’s not about missing someone, it’s about reloading and trying again.

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@pranavsapra

They named it Galaxy Note because when you take this thing out of your pocket, the entire Galaxy can note that it’s been taken out.

@dave_cactus

Area rug? Forget about it. Give me a perimeter rug instead. Just one strand around the whole room.

@Gorrdano

Instead of sending a letter in a bottle, go one step further. Bottle up all your feelings, then throw yourself out into the ocean.

@peteec

BlackBerry’s are great phones to have if you’re time traveling to 2005 and don’t want people to know you’re from the future.

@TravLeBlanc

One time a friend said that he “ain’t never had no nothing”. It remains the only time where I have heard someone use a quadruple negative.

@Area51eh

G/F wanted sex.

Told her I was too tired from having sex with my wife.

And that’s how the fight started.

@alive_and_dying

You wouldn’t hate anything about yourself if the world hadn’t taught you how.

@GloriaFallon123

You know you do too much online shopping when your kids start drawing pictures for the UPS man.