Sometimes it’s not about missing someone, it’s about reloading and trying again.

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They named it Galaxy Note because when you take this thing out of your pocket, the entire Galaxy can note that it’s been taken out.


Area rug? Forget about it. Give me a perimeter rug instead. Just one strand around the whole room.


Instead of sending a letter in a bottle, go one step further. Bottle up all your feelings, then throw yourself out into the ocean.


BlackBerry’s are great phones to have if you’re time traveling to 2005 and don’t want people to know you’re from the future.


One time a friend said that he “ain’t never had no nothing”. It remains the only time where I have heard someone use a quadruple negative.


G/F wanted sex.

Told her I was too tired from having sex with my wife.

And that’s how the fight started.


You wouldn’t hate anything about yourself if the world hadn’t taught you how.


You know you do too much online shopping when your kids start drawing pictures for the UPS man.