@SteveKoehler22

Staples is attempting a hostile takeover
of its rival Office Depot.

Office Depot has retaliated by
snapping rubber bands at Staples.

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@IHideFromMyKids

My 7yo learned that a seal in French is a “phoque” and like every Canadian child before her, she is enjoying this sweet swear loophole to its fullest

@IfIwassomething

When someone comments that you look like you don’t have an evil bone in your body, it’s always good to have your xrays on hand to prove them wrong.

@CVTBaby

Me: *mouths I love you*
Him:
M: *blows kiss*
H:
M: *adjusts my pajama top*
H: *empties the can & hops onto the side of the garbage truck*

@simoncholland

My kid brought home a school fundraiser packet in case anyone wants a $43 roll of wrapping paper or an $80 candle.

@StcyBnsn

Back seat drivers are all the same..
“Why we going into the woods?” “Let me out”

@SadieSkyNinja

Sorry that I took a picture of my armpit and tried to pass it off as my thigh gap.

@DamienFahey

13 Types of Regret You’ll Experience After Clicking on a Link to an Article That Won’t Live Up to its Exaggerated Headline

@BarryVonAwesome

I don’t consider it a good night out if it doesn’t end up as a super villain’s origin story

@pixelatedboat

Doctors recommend that you drink 8 glasses of water a day and don’t fall out of a helicopter