The chemical symbol for Seahorse is H₂Orse.
You Might Also Like
*writing a new season for Game of Thrones* okay now let’s do a silly one
I missed your birthday because I didn’t log onto Facebook that day. #LetsBeReal
[explaining the plot of my favorite book to my date]
me: so you know how most caterpillars are only a little hungry?
It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer buddy
My solution to everything is fire. How do I get out this stain? Fire. How do you fix a car? Fire. How do you break up with someone? FIRE!
My dentist asked me if I had a problem with my gums bleeding. You’d have to be really laid back to not have a problem with that.
Paying the internet $4.99 to take an IQ test is you failing the test.
Cop: You swerved into the other lane…do you know how fast you were driving?
Me: did I look like I was paying attention?
WHAT DO WE WANT!!!
A cure for hangovers
WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!!
Please stop yelling
The correct response to the question “Are you Ticklish?” Is letting the person know you have a firearm
The kids are upset we’re having chicken and peas for dinner which means our dog is very happy we’re having chicken and peas for dinner.
A spider jumped on my wife which made her stumble backwards and fall over her bag. Oh how I laughed!
Tweet posted from the guest bedroom.
Him: I like you a lot.
Her: Meh.Him: I’ve found someone else.
Her: I’m bat shit crazy restraining order status in love with you now
I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod.
Jack Black is trending? Hey if it’s 1998 again maybe I can fix some mistakes
Dog; Why do you put my treats so high up?
Me: Because if I didn’t, you’d be able to get them
Dog: Hey, I’m just trying to save you the hassle. Excuse me for caring.
{1st day as a correctional therapist}
Me: you need to free yourself from the prison-
Inmate: *excitedly unfolds escape plan*
Me: OF YOUR MIND
Inmate: *sadly folds escape plan*
i was doing yard work today when i stopped to tell a pile of leaves how cold fusion works. needless to say they were blown away.
An alarm clock that texts your boss for you the fifth time you press snooze
I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again
I decided to clean my closet and found a tangled necklace so i spent the next 30min untangling it and then took a well deserved 2hr break
2-year-old: *stares at a pregnant lady in church*
Me: She has a baby in her tummy.
2: *whispering* She ate it.
11’s thoughts on tonight’s dinner: “Well, it didn’t make me gag, so I ate it.”
The rewards of motherhood are truly breathtaking.
We have two 5 month old kittens and they went outside for the first time today. They stepped out, looked around, saw our neighbour then ran back in and hid under the table and I think I may have birthed them
Trying to use the phone’s flashlight to look inside its own charging port.
[Wife sweeping up all the dog hair into one big pile and answers the phone]
30 seconds later…
Kid: Look mom fur angels
Bouncy balls are super fun if you love to play with something very briefly, then spend 45 minutes looking for it in a shrub.
Buddhist Monk sees kid in Nirvana t-shirt:
“You like Nirvana? What’s your favorite step on the 8-fold Path?”
Kid: Nevermind
“Yeah, me, too.”
Not sure, but I think I just got to 3rd base with my toothbrush.
Friend: Duuude it’s fuckin’ Friday ni…
Me: *already closing the lid to my hibernation pod*