@TheDebbieMia
@maverick6899 It’s such bullshit when someone tweets something and gets like 50 stars and RTs then I tweet the exact same thing verbatim and get no love.
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@maverick6899 
@SJKSalisbury Remembering the time my science teacher couldn’t detect my heartbeat and got angry at me as though I was deliberately withholding my pulse to bolster my goth credentials.
@TheFirstDudish To make a mistake is human. To admit a mistake is stupid.
@Brianhopecomedy A person followed me and then unfollowed me within 3 minutes. How can they judge me after only seeing 47 tweets?
@mommajessiec Dinner is a great time for my family to come together to tell each other exactly what is wrong with the meal I made.
@VaguelyFunnyDan When my toddlers ask where mommy is, I explain that she’s gone to heaven. That way they’re super-excited when she gets back from the gym.
@meganamram “Vitamin Water”?? Sorry bud, that exists and it’s called SOUP
@AshGamesAcct #WeirdThingsToBeAfraidOf Whatever KitKat comes up with next
@mrtruthandsoul Million dollar idea: let’s start a Twitter swear jar
@nekolot I’d choose @funTweeters over anti-depressants any day.