this guy on tiktok rated emergency alarm sounds from different countries and there’s no reason it should be this funny 💀
You Might Also Like
My brother just found out he’s having another kid. He’s playing it pretty cool, but let’s see how his wife reacts when she finds out.
kidnapper: [on the phone] pay the ransom to get your son back
dad: oh god let me talk to him
kidnapper: very well
dad: son listen money doesn’t grow on trees
Why are we wasting time on all these “beware of dog” signs?
I’ve never met a cat that wasn’t obviously plotting to kill somebody…
When I was growing up I always loved making sandcastles with my grandmother, at least until mom started hiding the urn.
On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.
Honesty is a bit of a red flag for me. Like woah! What are you not trying to hide?!
Bonfire is French for “good fire.”
It’s very rude to not refer to the manager at Burger King as “Your Majesty”.
Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor?
Because he didn’t feel well.
Ghost Hunters would be a million times better show if it were about HUNTERS who are GHOSTS.
Do you think the rattlesnake is ever embarrassed that he has a stupid baby toy at the end of his string body
I got 50 ghost emojis from a dude on a dating app once because I said I didn’t think we had much in common after a couple dates. I don’t think that’s how ghosting works, pal.
Me: So what do you do?
Her: I research genomes
Me: *trying to impress* I love those guys, but you know it’s actually pronounced ‘gnomes’
You never see zombies lying around being lazy, so maybe we should EMBRACE the possibility of a zombie apocalypse. I think it could turn some of us into real go-getters.
I want an olive garden waiter shredding cheese over my corpse at my funeral and nobody say when
FROM THE FIRST BITE YOU CAN TELL CELERY DOESN’T WANT TO BE EATEN
Yep, it’s true👇🏼😂😂😂
Seems like I can’t even sit on a park bench anymore without someone’s henchman sneaking by to swap briefcases
My husband’s really not keen on this whole ‘date night’ thing that married people are supposed to do……
Perhaps next time I should go out with him?
My daughter is so excited to climb the rope in gym class today that I’m starting to doubt she’s mine.
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207.
Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207….
Daylight Saving Time starts this evening, turn your clocks forward and change smoke alarm batteries before going to bed tonight.
“Hey handsome. Why not come over to my place and eat the fried breadcrumbs I’m covered in?” she said, croquettishly.
Favstar is like that uncle we all
have, he never works, but comes
around every few months asking
for money.
Why does cake packaging have to be the loudest thing on planet earth? Doesn’t it know that I want to eat it at 3 a.m.?
Hate it when I’m minding my own business and an unmarked van pulls up with a shady-looking bear offering cheap farm-fresh honey and next thing I know I’m lying bruised and bloody on the side of the road but I guess that’s what I get for carrying a picnic basket in broad daylight
Why doesn’t anyone put the whole football on their mouth like a pelican and pretend they don’t have it
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky women that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped him.
Jim is short for Jimberly. The short form for James is obviously Jam