Your boss will respect you more if you sometimes disagree, especially if you touch their face and say “You silly goose.”
When someone RTs me, I get as excited as I used to when I was ten and I got mail
You Might Also Like
Do people who knit know about the industrial revolution?
Advice tip for people: 1 stick hand in glue 2 stick hand in feather 3 now you are like bird. Impress your friend.
I like the show on fox news where there are 4 conservative idiots yelling at one liberal idiot.
Priest Client: “So, how is my floor mural coming along?”
Michelangelo: [slowly turning the blueprint in his hands 180 degrees] “Shiiiiiit.”
Who called it cremation and not ashashination
Kanye West tweeted that Bieber’s ‘What Do You Mean?’ was 2015’s best song.
The “…which wouldn’t happened without me” tweet coming soon.
Prisoner:*strapped into chair* Flip the switch & fry me.
Guard: Oh, we’re not electrocuting you…
*college kid w/ acoustic guitar walks in*
The two types of wives
Friend: You’re so calm and quiet lately- I like this peaceful side of you
Me [my brain rotating like an insanely out-of-control taffy machine]: haha thanks