@heroofthehour

whenever I see “likes her own status” on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux.

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@PinkCamoTO

I won’t say I neglect my appearance but I will say I just shaved my legs at my desk after wearing a skirt to work.

@Sinj1

#ChangeAConsonantSpoilAMovie
Snapes On A Plane

@behindyourback

Just hiked to a waterfall in the middle of Maine and halfway through as I was starting to feel super proud about doing this somewhat difficult hike by myself a 70 year old woman passed me going the other way wearing flip flops and holding a bud light.

@Jenny4ashley

On a scale of ‘woke up in the gutter’ to ‘CAPS LOCK IS TOO LOUD’..

How hung over are you?

@John_M15

Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.

@MrsGoose69

Me: Where the hell are you going with those balloons?
4yr: I need to wee!
Me: With balloons?!
4yr: Its so much fun to wee with balloons

@clichedout

[introducing date]
Me: This is Linda, my date.
Her: You mean Lisa.
Me: This is Linda, my Lisa.

@Hobo_Splendido

The “self-lubricated catheter” and the “discreet pocket catheter” have me rethinking what role catheters ought to be playing in my life.