@RobDenBleyker I choose which country to root for in the Olympics by what cuisine I’m hungry for at the moment. Go Italy! #gnocchi2014
@heroofthehour whenever I see “likes her own status” on facebook, a little bit of me dies and becomes a horcrux.
You Might Also Like
@RobDenBleyker 
@inpoliteco If you’re telling a story to a group and are interrupted and then no one asks you to continue, ruin their party by drowning in the pool.
@BeingDBEAST One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
@EmSlyce How do I get a job as the non-research half of a murder podcast that just contributes the occasional well-timed “wait, what?”
@Girl_Censored I’m not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I’m going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard…
@IronBiggie Me: Close your eyes. Give me your hand, darling. Can you feel my heart beating? Do you unders…
Dr:(removes stethoscope) Really? Everytime?
@Not_From_Troy I received some boob pics. Some of you men really have nice boobs.
@paigeofmylife2 My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven’t even seen me in bed yet.
@UtilityLimb some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we’re too far away to hear his answer]
@aVERYhotwoman 