Where’s the gratification in tearing down another human being? It’s much easier to have heart, than walk w a self-inserted rod up your ASS.

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*interrupts your heartfelt story*
Oh NOW I hear your New York accent!! Say “dying wish” again!

Ok now say “coffee”!


Sometimes I have a life and other times I surf YouTube videos looking for a good fight in the comments section.


I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task…


request for a new client, your honor, i think this one’s guilty


I saw a bald eagle carry away a bunny rabbit today, and I was like, “well, at least somebody gets to be held.”


Why are ghosts always just moaning? Did your manners die too? Use your words!