Your case is very difficult to win. When I walk outside just follow me and run away
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In my defense,
I was left unsupervised.
Never call it a guest room.
That’s just asking for trouble.
Worst Betrayals in History:
– Judas turning on Jesus
– Brutus helping to murder Caesar
– Verizon guy going to work for Sprint
Why does laundry happen to good people?
*peeing in the urinal at McDonalds*
*turns to the guy peeing in the other urinal*
“So, what did you order?”
KID: I’m a brat!
WILLY WONKA: I am going to have you murdered.
I asked my friend if he wanted a drink and he said to surprise him so I brought back a side salad.
Why do they say “break a leg !” to actors ?
If you said “tear an ACL !” to a star athlete,
you’d be shot on the spot.
My healthy friend invites me to dinner
Me: But you said pasta.
Her: The zucchini IS the pasta. Isn’t that cool?
Me: Yep. More wine please.
me: *turns around in swivel chair*
*tents fingers*
I guess you never expected to see ME again…
Boss: Must we do this every Monday?