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just a reminder that no matter what you’re going through, someone has it worse than you ❤️
Looking at you, Jesus.
An hourglass timer, but it’s just my 7yo slowly pouring sand from his shoe when we’re running late.
Me: why is there a graham cracker in my makeup bag?
4: oh, it’s probably mine.
Me: probably?
i love reading online product reviews because there will be 8,000 that say “this blender is amazing, highly recommended” and one that will be like “garbage, do not buy, i tried to blend concrete and a crowbar and the thing broke immediately”
her: isn’t my baby beautiful
me: *don’t say he looks like Gollum*
*don’t say he looks like Gollum*
*don’t say he looks like Gollum*
he’s…preciousher: you said all of that out loud
My twins’ pre school taught them both how to sing Baby Shark in French so I’m just checking do I sue for double the amount or…
doctor: describe your average night
me: they wear suits of armor
doctor: no I mean at bedtime
me: they probably take it off
“You’re not like the other girls.”
“Yeah, that’s pretty much how this works. We’re literally all different ones.”
I just saw a woman walk out of the pizza place with 8 large pizzas. Stay with me I’m gonna live stream my proposal..