As someone with extensive IT experience, I can almost guarantee the AT&T outage yesterday was over some certificate expiring somewhere and nobody knowing how to regenerate it because Carl got laid off seven years ago and the only machine with the keys decommissioned in 2019.
You Might Also Like
Wife: Sometimes women like bad boys.
Me: Well I just replaced real garlic in this recipe with powdered garlic.
Wife: *fans herself*
Flatulent: (n.) a small apartment in Brooklyn you let a friend borrow
“i cnat believe this!” he yells as his beard of bees turns on him. “i would expect this from the others but not u” he says to 1 specific bee
A corn maze but inside you try to apply for unemployment.
My new SUV has a button that says
“Rear Wiper”.
I’m afraid to push it.
It’s like nobody in this McDonalds has seen a guy spreading marmalade on a Big Mac before.
There is nothing more enjoyable than watching a child being chased by a seagull.
2021
Employees: We’ve decided to go in a different direction. We’re gonna have to let you go.
Managers: wut?
My exes dying words were, “you’re obviously in one of your moods”
If you ever need to wake my wife from a coma, just set your drink on the coffee table without a coaster.
“So send me a picture of you…”
*sends*
“Look I need to leave very abruptly and extremely forever.”
He said it’s canoodle night later, and I thought great, I love lasagna.
I only look at Wordle for the articles
Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.
Just saw a girl wearing a “BAD GAL” t-shirt so I yelled “NO!” & smacked her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
*Looks out the window to see it raining fire and brimstone* “Oh man my car windows are down!”
2015: This is our son, Aiden.
2016: This is our son, Lemonaiden.
When I was a boy we had to invent snow before we could walk 15 miles through it to get to school.
what is your skin care routine? mine is mac n cheese
Her: Is breakfast almost ready?
Me: Yeah, I just have to drain the sausage.
Her: Can’t we please wait till after breakfast for that?
They say that unless you remember history you are destined to repeat it.
-I say to myself every time I think about cutting bangs.
if any of u nasty little cretins were even the least bit curious where i’m at right now i just tried to wipe a couple raindrops off my phone so they wouldn’t show up in a screenshot i was taking
Everyone: Wow, I love your official animal.
Aussies: Thanks, it has pockets.
Words can hurt. Especially when someone throws a big book at your head.
When the cops are at your door have on a cape, carry a wand, and tell them you’re a magician when they ask how your boyfriend disappeared.
Want to feel old? Have a kid ask you why it’s called “rolling down the car window” when all you do is press a button.
Me at 15: who wouldn’t want immortality, I want to live forever!
Me at 35: oh
Today I learned just how long ten minutes are by doing an ab workout.
Remember, that the reason your kids can be so fuckin annoying sometimes..
Is that they’re miniature versions of you