This horse is a great reminder that our generation did not invent shitposting, it merely adapted it to another form
You Might Also Like
Regardless of how strange your life can be, at least you’re not the h in chameleon.
Every other type of doctor’s office practically has their own app, meanwhile MRI centers are like “It’s 1998 in here, enjoy your CD”
horse: these pants fit me perfectly
sales clerk: very good sir
horse: *quietly* I’ll need two pairs
sales clerk: *discretely* of course
How’s my day going?
If I was Daffy Duck I would of lost my beak already.
The easiest way to burn fat is cremation.
Fair play to the crow who visits the roof outside my window first thing each morning, and whose cawing has the exact pitch and rhythm as the reversing alert on the recycling lorry, sending me into a blind panic that I’ve forgotten to put the bins out.
If Wile E. Coyote really wanted to destroy the Road Runner, he should have just proposed.
no refunds
I’ve been leaving in 5 minutes for the past 3 hours.
Me: I just heard a noise
WebMD: Cancer
Brain: Too much to think about to sleep.
Me: But I have work tomorrow.
Brain: I don’t care-
*alarm goes off*
-okay you can sleep.
I’m texting this to random phone numbers with no message
me: how do you like the future?
lincoln: it’s– omg stop the car
me: what is it?
lincoln: *pointing to ‘children at play’ sign* we have to warn them
thought i heard hailstones at my window but it was just the sound of my bones as i stood up from a chair
Today Mother phoned asked me what I was doing . I said I was on Google maps and looking at her house .She asked if I could see her waving .
there are differences between normal surfing and crowd surfing for example when you crowd surf people get upset if you pee
I like when players of opposite teams hug after the game as if to say, “We’re all so very, very rich.”
I picked up good pizza and took it to Little Caesars to show it what happens to bad pizza.
Sometimes I sit on my hand till it’s numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name
Optimus Prime implies the existence of Optimus Fresh, and for a nominal monthly fee, Optimus Audible.
Me: I’ll take Glinda the Good Witch because I love shoes, Ursula the Sea Witch so she could silence annoying people for me, and Maleficent because I love to sleep.
Genie: But that’s not…eh, never mind, your witches are granted.
*crying and eating cookie dough ice cream*
HUSBAND: Did you have a bad day?
ME: No. Why?
Know who put dinosaur bones in the ground? Dinosaurs. They WANTED us to think they were extinct. And now they’re waiting. Waiting to strike.
Vacation is just your wife not liking any of your restaurant suggestions closer to the ocean.
Kid: Daddy can I give some of my candy to that duck?
Me: No, ducks only eat things they find in nature, like bread.
Writing some Valentines, do girls prefer to be called “slick” or “chief”???
Staring at my Barbie Dream House and realizing there’s a lot of places for spiders to hide in there. As one does.
It’s so cute when Gen Z tries to insult us millennials. We had metal slides and lawn darts, you can’t touch us
People say I look amazing at my age. I just follow a simple routine of adding 10 years when I tell them how old I am.