Trivia: Bugs Bunny was originally named “Insects Rabbit” and his catchphrase was, “What is transpiring, Physician?”
You Might Also Like
I imagine dinner would almost be cooked by now if I’d remembered to put it in the oven
– a memoir
[pointing to a gravestone]
I’ll have what HE’S having!
Humans: Okay, so
Dog Negotiator: Yes
Humans: Uh
Dog Negotiator: Absolutely. We’ll do it
Humans: I haven’t even
Dog Negotiator: I love you
Welcome to your 40’s where the small print appears to have gotten a lot smaller!
Rapidly approaching the tipping point at which “I’ll never be able to finish this WHOLE burrito bowl!” becomes “I should order another burrito bowl, shouldn’t I”
*runs Baywatch style through Wendy’s drive-thru*
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
I love picking out my wife’s panties except this isn’t my house and now some dudes are yelling for me to come downstairs with my hands up
Giving blood today. Not my own, of course. That would be creepy.
amazing how folks can pinpoint the subtle floral undertones in a glass of wine while i’m like “yo, is there mustard on this grilled cheese?”
Some people exercise on purpose by rowing little boats.
Canoe believe that?
Best Halloween yard decorations 😂
I don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day so I’ll probably end up going out with the wife
Someone robbed a Pensacola Mini Mart stealing 300 cases of Red Bull. How do these people sleep at night.
Yes. You rt’d me 14 times in a row. Thanks.
You are first in line for my liver when the time comes.
*A demon tries to posses my soul while I sleep but can’t because he’s choking on all of the axe body spray I’m wearing*
ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery
“i am trapped in a loveless marriage help me obi-wan you’re my only hope” “use divorce, luke”
[right after sex]
Me: so that was uhh-
The Flash: I KNOW OKAY?!
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people
16: ‘What’s an inheritance tax?’
Me: ‘Nothing you need to be concerned about.’
Socks try to be monogamous but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.
CAT: Hey, sorry about puking on your pillow
SCHRÖDINGER {busy}: Yeah, whatever
CAT: So uh…what’s the box for?
If you’ve ever wondered how many days you can reuse the same lemon wedge in your water pitcher in the refrigerator, the answer is not 11.
Interviewer: It says here you’re interested in waterfowl genealogy.
Me: I became fascinated with the subject when I noticed that both Daffy Duck and Donald Duck share the same family name and both their names begin with D.
Interviewer:
Me: And neither wears pants
Friend: “so how did you two meet?”
No Woman Ever: “he cat-called me in the street and we have been together ever since”
If you are single, just be patient. Your soulmate is almost done with their divorce papers 😉
Sad news for all of us remembering Princess Diana’s death 25 years ago today, and also for any girls born on that day who are now too old for Leonardo DiCaprio.
Wife – You ate all of the Reeses eggs?
Me – You left them out in the open on the top shelf under the shirts in the back of the closet.