If the radius of a pizza is Z and the thickness is A, then the volume of pizza is PI x Z x Z x A. #asianshowingoff
You Might Also Like
[driving on the highway]
My son, distraught: oh no. This is bad. This is very very bad.
Me: WHAT? WHAT IS IT?
Him: my Funyuns. I can’t find my Funyuns.
BOUNCER: *checking ID* this doesn’t look like you
CATERPILLAR: *adjusts makeshift wings* its me
B: oh yeah? Fly then
C: uh *starts sweating*
Necessity is the mother of Invention.
And there are also lots of other people in my family with stupid names.
Sometimes I put a cashew in my mouth for the dentist to find.
i kicked the back of her seat ONE time
There’s only two types of people in the world; people who think they can categorize everything, and people who are not morons.
Dentist: “And do you floss?”
Me: “Yes!”
My 5yo who had to come to my appointment with me: “No you don’t.”
Her: when you said “magical in bed” this isn’t exactly what I was exp-
Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card
Her: *softly* holy shit
[pet store]
Me: your parrot called me a cracker.
Manager: maybe he was asking..
[from the back] TALK YOUR SHIT WHITE BOY *parrot whistle*
Why do men named Bartholomew go by Bart when they could go by Mew?
Martial arts movie, starring me
Master: You wish to learn to fight?
Me: Yes
Master: The training is very difficult
Me: Oh then no
The End
[My funeral]
Priest: Ashes to ashes dust to dust
*my casket is lowered into the McDonald’s ball pit*
Employee: *confused* Ronald really okayed this?
As a baby I took my son Caden to the park. Other kids there were Aiden Jayden Brayden & Ben. The parents that named Ben should get an award.
How crazy is it that we used to say “three and a half inch floppy” with a straight face
If this guy doesn’t stop staring at my boobs, well then, I’m just gonna have to wear this shirt more often.
I’m exhausted. There was a local FB person who posted an angry rant about not liking people who use “fowl language” & you have NO idea how much self-discipline it took for me yesterday to NOT respond with a comment full of bird puns.
the famous shower scene in Psycho is crazy. she turns on the water & just let’s it hit her in the face before testing it with her hand first
Waking up would be much easier if I didn’t have to do it so many days in a row.
10: this game took forever to download! It took like almost 1 minute
me: *laughs in dial-up*
me: you can’t take a joke
joke thief: what
Keep the mystery alive and continue to surprise your partner by using chloroform to induce disorientation.
Primaries are like childbirth. After a great deal pain, yelling, and recrimination, everyone forgets how awful it was until the next time.
PETER PIPER: honey i picked another peck of pickled peppers
WIFE: [motioning to pantry already full of peppers] peter literally what the fu
me: I want to be handsome like my dad
friend: is your dad handsome?
me: no but he wants to be too
[2 Humans who definitely aren’t lizard people at Denny’s]
1: I sure am glad they don’t have newt brain on the menu
2: Right on, fellow human
You’re not an “empath”.
You have “chronic heartburn”.
“”What if – and this sounds crazy – what if we based the look on this drawing my 3 year old made?” – Design team for Kia Soul
jingle bell.
jingle bell.
jingle bell.
rock.– looking for shells on the north pole beach
Why are Diva Cups only for women why can’t I win one.
me: I think some people are birds in disguise
friend: lol can I tweet that
me: *narrows eyes* can you what