Doc Brown: We have to be extra careful not to alter the past or the future!
Also Doc Brown: lmao flying train
You Might Also Like
“First gay marriage. What’s next – people marrying dogs?!”
*nervous glance at dog
Dog: Frank, we’ve been over this. I like you as a friend
1.25pm: Do you love me more than football?
4.25pm: Yes, of course.
Custom Auto Painting
Food truck owner:
I said I wanted it painted solid white. What’s with the red splotches?Me: You sell spaghetti.
My dog: Look, they were over baked. Sooo, you’re welcome.
Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing
The most unbelievable part of any Christmas movie is that characters my age are homeowners
“What does your mother do for a living?”
“She sells shesells…I mean…Sea sells sea shells…dammit! She’s…a beachside entrepreneur.”
*pitching Sylvester and Tweety cartoons*
Creator: A cat and a bird try to outsmart each other.
Executive: Yawn. Boring.
Creator: They both have speech impediments.
Executive: I love it.
My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.
I bought a baby monitor but my house is very small so now I just get to listen to my son cry in surround sound.
Leave a Post-It on your girlfriend’s birth control that says, “guess u don’t want 2 have my babies haha.”
I’ll sleep when I’m dead. And eat, watch tv, hang out in people’s attics, death can’t keep me from doin shit
I saw this post on Tumblr awhile ago and I liked the visual so much I had to draw it
🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀
Definition of Insomnia:
Finding a spider in your bedroom & when you leave for a second to get the spray & come back it’s gone
5-YEAR-OLD: mommy, what happens if I turn 100 years old?
MY WIFE: you get a special certificate from the president
5: what happens if I turn 150?
W: you die
A recent study by UN has found dexter to be the no 1 cause for ocean pollution
Him: Are u free later?
Me: No I’m expensive all the time
Not sure who graded these eggs as Extra-Large, but I’m guessing it was a guy.
i’m not worried about WW111 i’ve been feeding a crow army for 3 yrs
My daughter just announced she’s SICK of stupid-ass people. I said “Oh darlin, you’re gonna feel ill for a long time.. they’re everywhere.”
My doctor says I’m almost legally obese, but my mom says I’m very handsome. Just kidding my mom thinks I’m an idiot.
The government isn’t using twitter to spy on you. They are using EVERYTHING to spy on you. Amazon? Spy. That banana? Spy. Your mom? Spy.
Them: CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON.
Me: Nachos.
Them: YOU– wait, dude, this is a battle to the death.
Me: *mouth full of nachos* Yeah, and who’s the real winner here?
Apparently it is “against church policy” to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.
Kids, you can grow up and be
whoever you want …….. it’s called
identity theft.
i need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations
[mattress store interview]
“What would you bring to this job?”
A blanket, some cheetos, wrinkle cream, probably a television.
Pulling out the ouija board at the office and asking Craig from accounting if I can hit up his widow
90% of owning a dog is telling it to stop barking.
“My grammar is terrible,” I said untruthfully, as I lied on the bed.