Serious question, are there beef songs in other genres? If so please send. I know Mexican cartels got songs about people they killed. But to me, if the other person already dead, that ain’t beef, That’s just journalism.
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Five out of six people enjoy Russian Roulette.
No, YOU heard a sad song on your headphones and cried while on the treadmill at your neighborhood gym.
If you eat enough ice cream
your clothes will shrink. Weeeeird.
[buying house plants] hey wanna come back to my place and die
3 introduced me to a new game he calls “It’s Mine” he hands you an object and when you say “thank you” he grabs it back and yells “that’s mine”
1/5 stars, do not recommend, but honestly it’s not the worst game he’s made up
003: Hey
004: Hey
003: Hey
005: Hey
003: Hey
006:
003: I said Hey
006: What’s going on?– 4 Non Bonds
I just want everyone to know that when my mom was 24 she showed up to her Halloween work party dressed as Monica Lewinksy because she was sleeping with her boss.
Nobody:
My 6yr old talking to himself on the toilet: everyday I gotta get up for school. & then everyday I’m gonna have to get up for work. When does it end. Did I ask for this? No. I don’t remember that I asked for this. I asked for rest and legos and French toast.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
All the other soldiers are mad at me because I keep making helicopter noises when they’re trying to sleep
Cartoons falsely taught me to expect encountering an unimaginable amount of anvils in my day to day life
Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning.
Facebook: Be the first person to like this.
throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.
Me: Please wait to eat your Craisins until we’re in the car
*5 secs later
Me: What’re you eating?
5yo: *Mouthful of Craisins* ……Nothing
[sees a meathead at the gym flipping a giant tire end over end]
ME: Put it on its side and it’ll roll, idiot
You god damn morons. All these celebrity nudes were leaked by the Illuminati to distract us from important shit like karate and hoverboards.
wat abot when ther was only 1 set of footprints
“thats when i carried u”
wat abot when the fotprints went in the ocean
“i tried to drown u”
A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop
It’s such poor planning that “ninja” doesn’t have a least one silent letter.
People will read 50 Amazon reviews before buying a pair of headphones but won’t think twice about taking drugs they bought from someone they only know as “the guy.”
[inventing a new flavor Dorito] what’s the last thing you stepped on
My kid talks a lot of shit for someone who bites his finger whenever he eats fries
[making flamingos]
God: bird.
Adam: got it.
G: but it stand still a lot.
A: ok..
G: on one leg.
A: how high are you?
G: make it pink.
Salon: would you like to receive haircut reminder texts?
Me: no thanks. I have a mirror.
if i ever got married i would use the reception as an opportunity to just play every song i’ve ever liked. no theme, no vibe. just me being like “omg i love this one” for two hours
If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.
If I ever meet you and you don’t look anything like your avi,you’re buying drinks for me until you do
Dance like you won’t be turned into a gif.
An online quiz guessed my age using some incredibly accurate super scientific data and it turns out I’m 25 years old. And obviously we don’t argue with science.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.