Bro this is the funniest shit I’ve seen in a minute 😭 the SpongeBob cast dubbed this star wars scene
You Might Also Like
“Don’t hate me ‘cause you ain’t me.”
“No, I hate you ‘cause you say stuff like that.”
cat lawyer slowly pushing the opposing lawyer’s evidence off the courtroom table
if you want to know how much i love freedom i don’t have an oven we just shoot our food with guns until it is warm enough to eat
“You’re a rather handsome woman” isn’t a great opener on Tinder apparently
I don’t think anyone here is a serial killer because you have to be really self motivated and it’s like we all just eat snacks and take naps
6yo: “Mom, Mom! I got to the number 200.”
Me: “Wow! Great job counting.”
6yo: “Thanks, I want to get to 300 stickers on the floor!”
Me: “Wait, what?”
I have a bad habit of starting things and never finishing them.
Let’s all be thankful I’m not a surgeon.
I’ve had the same phone for over three years, so I know a thing or two about commitment and frustration.
Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater.
I don’t normally cook. How much vodka do you add to the mashed potatoes?
My wife looks like the cats in those cucumber videos when she turns around & sees me naked.
Have you tried growling until they back away slowly?
doctor: what seems to be the problem
me: it seems like u should be telling me
unbelievably distressed by this ad
My dog after a walk in the woods.
i was going to get married, but
my wife refuses to sign the
divorce papers
if i could be permanently ratatouilled i would. just relinquish all control. let the rat do it. im done
I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.
Nobody ever talks about how effective letting dogs sleep in your bed is for birth control.
Him: I’m a champion bull rider, baby. I know how to handle the ride.
Me: All I’m hearing is you last for 8 seconds.
In the bathroom stall and written on the bottom of the door, ” Beware of Limbo Dancers” I wanted to star it and re-stall it one door over.
what strings did peacocks pull to be allowed to just vibe around the zoo?
[in the car]
4yo: Can my window go down?
Me: It can. Would you like me to roll it down for you?
4yo: Roll?! Why did you say roll?
Me: *spends rest of car ride explaining window cranks
Passing by a group of ladies:
*conversation stops*
Walking back by:
*conversation stops*Me *giddy* I take their breath away!
I often offer prayers for my parents to be smiling and happy as they look down on me from heaven, but dad says if I include it again when I’m saying Grace it will be the last time they visit for Thanksgiving.
me *breaking the fourth wall*
architect: oh no
In Canada, elevators only come with a ‘hold door open’ button and a ‘hold door open longer’ button
I swear I won’t be undressing you with my eyes again. That REALLY hurt!
It’s amazing how fast the first 30 minutes of work just fly by when you show up a half hour late for work.
In middle school I knew a guy named Austin who would always say that he slept with your mom to own you. Then one kid called his bluff and started talking about how Austin had basically ruined his family and how his mom was in prison now. Completely changed the game.