“Easy like Sunday morning” implies that Sunday is the most sexually promiscuous day of the week.
Sunday, slutty Sunday.
You Might Also Like
The boy is putting whipped cream on the cat. I think he may have overheard a conversation he didn’t understand quite so well.
I’m just marveling at how the hand towel in my son’s bathroom can be so dirty and yet his doorknob is so wet
My husband asked me to cut his hair. I think the zigzag designs turned out very well despite his bad attitude.
Unsolicited sandwich pics.
All I’m saying is any office that buys thin toilet paper is not really saving money. All savings are lost when the hand soap runs out faster…
sorry but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. walking faster than me? also my enemy. now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm yeah I’m thinking enemy
“If you love something, set it free…”
Unless it’s a man…
Cause he’ll get lost…
And you know he won’t ask for directions…
Me: When the cocoon hatches, the caterpillar turns into a butterfly.
4-year-old: That’s it?
Me: What did you want it to be?
4: A dragon.
3 just told me he wants all the things pirates have for Christmas, including a real sword and a pirate ship.
Anyone have a good pirate ship guy?
I taught my son how to spell beer so he’d stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
yeah i ate the last 10 donuts, i don’t like a cluttered counter
How awkward would it have been for coach if he put in Air Bud and they lost.
Made a deal with my wife a few months back that if was if she was still pregnant come #Halloween, she’d dress up as Bob Wylie. She lost… and all of Twitter has now won. #Browns
Doctor: have you been getting enough fiber?
Me: this summer I accidentally ate a fly
One time someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
Me: I like the funny horse cartoon
Bojack: you inherit your parents’ trauma but you will never fully understand it
Me: haha the cops a cat
They’re doing a meeting activity called Escape Room and that pretty much sums up what I’m trying to do.
My youngest has been banging on about “prank week” and has been royally pranking us all day.
Little does she know, her father is the prank master
Both of them panicking now, the bonus is that their sadness has brought a hush into the house.
[sees co-worker the next day after failing to kill him on purge night] mondays am i right?
Hot singles in your area!
They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.
There is so much going on in this video … I don’t know who to focus on 😂😂😂 hilarious
Me, embracing the mess I’ve made of my life
Every “People Actually Want To Return To The Office” piece sounds like it was written by a lonely office desperate for attention.
Me: *gets in pool* Come on in.
4-year-old: No, there might be sharks.
Me:
4:
Me:
4:
Me: *gets out of pool*
Why roboticize vacuuming? It’s all instant gratification. It’s the crack of cleaning.
88% of parenting is begging your kids to blow their nose.
Me: The voices are telling me to do things again.
Boss: No shit. That’s my voice. You haven’t done a thing since you got here this morning.
So… I JUST FOUND A CAT THAT IS NOT MINE AND IT HAS HAD BABIES UNDER MY BED.
wife: What would you do if 9 told you he was gay?
me [looking for the remote] Ask him if he’s seen the remote
1st base: sex
2nd base: not wearing makeup
3rd base: calling each other
home run: discussing your mental health issues and past traumas