Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan have a fight to the death. Who will win?
Everybody.
You Might Also Like
If you think ghost peppers are hot, you should’ve ate them when they were alive.
I just tried to steal a gummy worm from my kid’s candy bag and EVERY ONE OF THEM HAS A BITE TAKEN OUT.
Well played, little dude. Well played.
[Spelling Bee]
Her: Your word is consent.
Him: Can you describe the word?
Her: Yes.
my depression: I’m sad
my anxiety: but why now I’m worried
my depression: nothing to worry about I’m sad for no reason
my anxiety: oh cool but honestly I was just gonna worry anyway
I needed some gas for my mower so I snuck over to my neighbor’s shed, on the gas can there was a note that said it’s empty go get your own gas Marc. So I took his mower instead.
As a fireman, I’m constantly asked questions like, “Can you please stop flexing & put out that fire?”
WhatsApp: Here use this status – “At the Gym”
Me: you wish!
I just saw a post on a group in Facebook where someone was looking for a stud finder. No one commented anything funny. What the hell is wrong with people?
HER: I’m pansexual.
ME: Oh, cool.
*quietly nudges a cabinet door shut with my foot, hiding my pots and pans*
Telling my husband he got his days mixed up and my quarantine is actually another day so he doesn’t see how messy I’ve let this room get.
Fails drug test.
Adds “Positive” Person to résumé.
Husband Bear: Honey! I’m home!
Wife Bear: For God’s sake, would you at LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?
peanut butter toast, simultaneously an underrated food and the majority of my genetic makeup
I hate it when my kid beats me in an argument, like this morning when I told her Oreos aren’t breakfast food and she countered with, “of course not, they’re the snack before breakfast”
Me: I’ll have the chicken
Waiter: and how would you like the chicken prepared
Me: I dunno… maybe just tell it about the circle of life and how nothing lives forever
Therapist: Your mother is so overprotective she is the cause of your issues connecting to women emotionally
Me: Well yo mama so stupid she tried to climb Mountain Dew
I haven’t worn corduroy since that time I almost died in a fire chasing the ice cream man…
Nana to 3: “I love you! Who loves ya?!”
3 to Nana: “Nana!”
Nana to 3: “That’s right! Who loves Nana?”
3 to Nana: “Nobody!!!”Never been more impressed in my life.
They can identify a dead body by its dental records. How cool is that? “We don’t know who he is, but we know his dentist!”
my girlfriend is such a good actor haha she likes to pretend like she doesn’t exist and is just apart of my imagination
The Princess of Wales is missing and the spare Prince is in exile and the King is treating his cancer with herbs. If this were the 1300s France would be looking to invade
Nahh the delivery driver definitely knew it was Kai and purposely put the food that high 😭😭
Pregnancies really fly by when they are someone else’s
these physical therapy memes r ruthless bro
7 year resume gap marked “Not Drugs”
A spray bottle for people who stand too close in line.
“Bjork” would make a great name for a beet-based pork substitute.
what’s the funniest tiktok video you’ve ever seen?
My middle schooler called me “mid” and I’ve gotta be honest, not a fan of having to google something before deciding how offended I am.
My neighbors listen to really good music… Whether they like it or not.