Congratulations on being hired by Super Cuts & welcome to day 1 training.
Let’s get started
These are called scissors
*collective aww*
You Might Also Like
Me and be Jealous?… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA … Who is McDonald’s and why are you ‘lovin it’?
I got mom shamed for giving my kid a chicken nugget like there are way worse things I do to my kids I promise you they won’t be telling their therapist about the chicken nuggets
Anyone know any Sausage Biscuits looking for a job?
*my friend pulling the dog’s tail after his surgery*
why isn’t this lamp working
Me: *ordering “Boyfriend jeans” online* OMG I can’t wait for them to get here, I wonder what kind of boyfriend they come with!
At this rate, I can’t wait to see what the holiday decorations look like.
me: i’m late
boss: again?
me: it’s yours
On Amazon looking for a cat water fountain and 😂😂😂
You can’t fix stupid but you can fantasize about slapping the shit out of it.
My dog tried to kill someone for talking to me, which is basically the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.
My Comcast internet goes down so often that it’s started an OnlyFans account.
Me buying frivolous things: Well, you have to spend money to spend money.
“evreytime god closes a door, he opens a window” – me, tryimg to convince my clients their house isnt haunted
Him: [running his fingers through my hair] is… is this part of a cookie?
Tweet about drinking too much = 50 quick likes
Facebook about drinking too much = A phone call from my mom
My favorite way to eat eggs is inside chocolate cake mix.
People who have drive and determination impress me. Yesterday one of my kitchen drawers got stuck and I was like, guess I’m never using a fork again.
People say “like a boss” as if they forgot how much bosses suuuuck
Being a civilian in a city of superhero’s must be so long 😭
Some mornings I just want to punch people in the face before they could even speak because I know they’ll definitely deserve it later in the day !!
Curling is an Olympic sport.
What about Straightening ?There are women who can do
amazing things with a flat iron.
I suggested we say please and thank you to Alexa so our kids can hear us and it reinforces being nice to strangers and my wife loved it. my real reason is when AI becomes our sentient overlord it’ll remember we were always kind to it and let us go live in the woods by ourselves.
Stop putting cauliflower where there once was something delicious.
Happy anniversary to the almond at the bottom of my purse.
[gently waking my Mom] I think I left my feather earring at bingo last night
*Myself at the doctor*
Is this test absolutely necessary?*Taking my dog to the Vet*
Whatever test is necessary, spare no expense.
liiiiiiiiike
My dog just watched me take my contacts out and I think she may need therapy now.
Lost my job at Tree Humpers anonymous for asking if everyone was ‘logged in’
me: it kind of feels like you’re judging me right now
judge: it’s called “sentencing”