It’s password awareness Friday.
Today I offer free consulting.
Send me a password and I tell you if it’s strong.
You Might Also Like
We had TikTok when I was a kid, except it was called ‘Funniest Home Video Show’, and everyone agreed that 30 minutes once a week was quite enough of it.
NURSE: I promise. It’s ok. You can come in.
MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure
DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*
“Nothing is certain, except death and taxis.”
Don’t you mean “ta– *gets run over by a cab*
ME: *making lightsaber noises*
COWORKER: *in next urinal* you’re getting pee on my shoes.
When I see the lyrics to a song I’ve been singing wrong the whole time.
Before college I didn’t have a degree, or money, or any idea what I was doing with my life. But NOW I have a degree.
[The oddity of dating]: Hey I like your face, also possibly your body. Let’s see if I can stand your personality until we die Okay?
Ok, ok, here’s the plan. When Bezos goes into space we move the planet so he can’t find us anymore.
It never worked for my parents but we’re talking some much further distance here.
Raised my shirt to check my abs and a nacho chip fell out so I guess there’s your answer.
My phone:
My phone:
My phone:
My phone:
My hands: holding anything messy.
My phone: *ring*
cw: (hanging up the phone) never get married.
me: why?
cw: that was my husband. he called to tell me about the gold panning kit he just bought on amazon.
Forrest Gump is so unrealistic. There’s no way anyone would take chocolate from a man who’s been talking to himself on a bus station bench for 3 hours.
I dont know why people are disappointed when they find out a celebrity crush is married.As if that was their only obstacle to being together
And now we wait
[talking to my son]
Please call me Steve, father was my father’s name
“Can I pet your dog?”
“Sure, but he can be aggressive.”
[He pushes a pamphlet about the dangers of gluten towards me with his nose]
If I plant a McRib can I grow a McWoman?
Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day?
Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.
[waking up in an amniotic pod realizing I am a human battery powering the Machines]:
lol this is so Capricorn.
“have you seen the gas prices?” no man i drive with my eyes closed because it’s scary
If you are feeling tired, let someone see you rip the head off a stuffed animal and eat the stuffing, and then you will have lots of time to rest.
Fall, when my kids clean the yard by bringing ALL the leaves into the house
I’ve decided to take some time off Twitter so I can focus on work and, ok, I’m back
Apparently if you perm a yak’s hair and spin it around a bunch of times it’s good for your libido…
…It’s a well known afro dizzy yak
*checks WebMD*
Holy crap, I need an ambulance!
*checks insurance deductible*
Nevermind, I’ll just take a vitamin or something.
*boyfriend calls girlfriend*
Bf: “Hey Babe, I love you!”
Gf: “we’re breaking up”
Bf: “no we’re not, I can hear you just fine.”
I’m sick and tired of people not appreciating the magic that is baking soda. Have a stain? Baking soda. Have a pimple? Baking soda. Making cookies? Baking soda. Accidentally caused a small kitchen fire making cookies? BAKING SODA!
Son, I’m not a mad scientist, just a disappointed scientist.
I have a friend visiting from out of town. What’s your fave place in LA to look at your phone??
If I were a hairdresser, my business cards would say, “I’ll cut you.”