Facebook is a minefield of mums saying “Can’t believe this handsome boy is starting year 1!” with pictures like this
You Might Also Like
i made cheesy potato soup & my 5-year-old walked into the kitchen and told me it “stinks like a raccoon”
guys what if I accidentally brought home the wrong baby from the hospital because I don’t know if this one is mine
To the person that stole my glasses.
I will find you, I have contacts.
No you shut up 😂🥳
Never trust a fortune teller buying more than 1 lottery ticket.
Bruce Banner with his hand stuck in a Pringles can, getting more and more frustrated
This girl told me that eating a cake is the best way to calm you down.
I bet she never tried smashing it over someone’s face.
the worst part of the robot uprising will be the constant software updates
My daughter is crying because she can’t be a hamster.
Why do people say I’m washing my hands ?
Hands literally wash each other without any help 🤔🧐
My wife left me for my best friend.
Well, he was just a stranger at that time. He is my best friend now.
Sometimes I feel like my dog is deeply disappointed in my lack of concern about the potential dangers of allowing our neighbors walk by our house
One of the Monkees once told me that looking at Medusa would *actually* turn you into a baby semiaquatic rodent, but I had my doubts. Then I saw her face, now I’m a wee beaver.
“You’re more likely to be killed in a car wreck than eaten by a shark.”
The shark made a convincing argument, so I got out of the cage.
Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this dm finds you well”
me: salt rim please.
barista: what.
BUZZ ALDRIN:They say in space no one can hear you scream, but it’s not true and the other astronauts get mad at you for the rest of the trip
Her: Use your hands to pleasure me
Me: Uh, ok *picks up phone and orders food*
The reason Latin is a dead language is because they kept accidentally summoning demons during regular conversations
Well, you know when you start cooking something & go to check Twitter real quick?
Fireman: ….
{Twirls hair} Can I try on your fancy hat?
Don’t quote me on this, but I’m pretty sure the guy who invented ice fishing must’ve REALLY hated his wife.
Sam: Welcome to Multiple Personality Club.
Sam: No one else is here.
Sam: You’re here.
Sam: I’M YOU, STUPID!
Sam: OK EVERYONE CALM DOWN!
“I’m gonna sneak some candy”, my 4yo announced loudly.
boss: you’re fired
me: [pausing tiktok] why
i’m awake! please respect my privacy during this very difficult time
“WHAT DO WE WANT?”
i havent decided yet
“WHEN DO WE WANT IT?”
i still need a few more mins with the menu you are a really terrible waiter
[First day waiting tables]
Customer: do you have wings?
Me: *flaps elbows* no, just regular arms
Ok who’s got my black socks?
Guys, freedom of speech doesn’t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
Whoever named the axolotl was awesome and probably high af
My kids super power is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it
I got picked on in Highschool: I was cut from the football team & failed the cheerleading tryouts on the same day they fired me as principal