A Video no one needed, but since I miss saying these things, here is what Product Managers actually do.
Ask & say a bunch of random things to sound smart.Hope I get hired for my honesty at least if not for my skills 馃榾
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Friend: Are you growing your hair out?
Me: I have no idea. Honestly, I never thought I’d live this long
*driving home*
Me: I spy something gray.
4yo: Your hair!
Me:…
4yo:…
Me: I spy something adopted.
CTRL + C and CTRL + V another window
My mom, watching a scary movie: Be careful if you鈥檙e going in the backyard, I thought I saw someone walking around out there.
Me: What. Like a cat?
My mom: No, it was definitely bigger than that.
Chris: I don’t care.
Kris: I don’t kare either.
me: yay, i鈥檓 getting to bed on time!
my brain: let鈥檚 obsess over how you鈥檒l protect your children if you鈥檙e at the beach during a tsunami
Crap, I hate good-bye kisses. I think that I may have used too much tongue with my mother-in-law.
My dad likes to come to my office & tell the receptionist he’s my parole officer in case you were wondering how I turned out like this.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Be careful on the roads out there guys. Someone t-boned my car and I can’t tell you how scary it was.
(Age 22)
*chugs bottle of water*
Let’s shoot some more hoops!(Age 42)
*chugs bottle of water*
I gotta pee.
“Shotgun!” I yell as I push past the others and climb into the seat.
I am subsequently escorted from the airplane.
[text]
11:56 pm
Her: whatcha doin?
Me: taking a shit12:03 am
Her: whatcha doin now?
Me: same shit different day
#ConfessToAubry
10
I work at Subway and if you are rude to me at the beginning I will make sure to grab the oldest and shittiest bread. So if your sandwich bread is hard you know why.
ME BEFORE HAVING TEENS: I like a good, crunchy apple
ME AFTER HAVING TEENS: Apples totally slap. Much cronch.
When my wife wants my opinion, she’ll give it to me.
wtf is an acronym
Hormones are cool if you like crying during dog food commercials.
[battle]
ME: It’s no good. We gotta quit
SARGE: Quit? I don’t know the meaning of the word
M: It means give up
S: Oh cool. Lets do that
Not sure video Instagram is a good idea. I’ve never looked at a picture of someone’s dinner and thought, “If only I could hear this.”
Birds shit on us because we tweet better.
The Last of Us is my favorite video game about the survivors of 2020
People who love dark chocolate are always so snobby about it. Relax. It’s just chocolate, you elitist ninnies.
Do we want 2020 to turn 21 and be able to drink?
I heard you like bad girls. Well I’m bad. At everything. Winks at you with both eyes.
“self-driving cars will have to answer split-second ethical decisions, instantly calculating the worth of the lives of the people around them. can AI solve the trolley problem?”
self-driving cars in reality: i swerved onto the sidewalk because i thought the moon was a stop sign
Sorry kids, no visiting the chocolate factory till you finish your tour of the slaughterhouse
me: how much is this cordless mouse?
pet store employee: that’s a hamster
[text]
Hub: I have to go to the doctor.
Me: Is it your eyes?
Hub: Yes!
Me: Is your vision blurry?
Hub: Yes!!
Me: You’re wearing my contacts.