have unfortunately discovered you can ask gpt4 to write you a rupi kaur poem and it does a really good job
You Might Also Like
Bird: *standing in middle of road challenging me*
Me: *swerving and driving off cliff* you have won again bird
2008: i guess i’d prefer a candidate with a few more years of governing experience
2028: i voted for president bruno mars by scanning a bottle of mountain dew with my iphone
Why is burning a bridge viewed as a bad thing? I mean what if a clown is chasing you?
Me: Do that thing I like.
Husband: Soaks dishes.
That pet Koala is like, “Ain’t y’all pets too?”
Kid: Can I get a new toy?
Me: No, Christmas is coming and you’ll get presents then
Kid: Can I have a candy bar?
Me: No, maybe Santa will bring you candy
Kid: A granola bar?
Me: Ask Santa 😉
Kid: A drink of water?
Me (only half listening): On Christmas
Uh, guys… I just heard from my doctor, and it’s bad news. If you’ve retweeted me recently, you should really go get yourself checked out.
that awkward moment when a friend is complaining about their spouse, but you start to identify with the spouse
[stumbles out of bar with girl]
We’ll be at my place- (struggling to unchain ten speed bike) -in no time, baby
Just walked to the mailbox and the neighbor drove his riding mower into a ditch. I would’ve helped him out, but I wasn’t wearing pants.
Not sure if you’ll like golf? Walk on a treadmill for four hours under a sun lamp then throw away $75 when you’re done.
Elon Musk made $180M when PayPal was acquired in 2002.
He put $100M in SpaceX, $70M in Tesla, and $10M in Solar City. He borrowed money for rent.
Now, he’s worth $190 billion.
The greatest entrepreneurs aren’t driven by money; it’s a byproduct of success.
I cry way more when I’m angry than when I’m sad. So if you see my tears, look out for my left hook too.
“You’re joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?” -Jesus #GoodFriday
Not to barg, but I majored in illiteracy.
Me: *brings a package inside*
4yo: What’s is in there? Is it toys?
Me: Just some bras.
4yo: Ugh! Someone keeps sending you bras.
Aaaa…CHOO!
My wife bought me gym shorts like I’m gonna run to the kitchen for some more nachos.
remember if you’re not helping cook be sure to ask (in a half hearted fashion) if they need any assistance and leave the room before they answer
A good anvil is very expensive. It would be great if they fell out of the sky once in a while.
oh yeah… you like music? name three instruments
*Gandalf rollerblades into the club*
“YO DJ PLAY SOME DIRTY DUBSTE–
*slips on a drink & lands flat on face* “SCRAP THAT CALL AN AMBULANCE
I saw a guy pushing a stroller with a kayak balanced on top, like he had traded the baby for it. And clearly he hadn’t planned this. He didn’t have the car with him, so it must have been a spur of the moment baby trade. Some amazing kayak salesman was willing to make a deal.
Me: Mum was I adopted?
Mum: Yes, but they gave you back
{Stalker Diary}
Went through his trash.
He buys the generic Fruit Loops. I remain committed. I find his frugalness irresistible.
While the loss of Bruce Wayne’s parents was tragic, I’m grateful it happened decades ago and not in 2023 because he just would’ve become a true crime podcaster.
Reached the stage of parenting where I just found a garlic press in the shower and I didn’t even want to ask why.
me: [slides bank teller a note]
bank teller: what’s a “roblery”
LIAM NEESON: I will look for you, I will find you, and I will ki-
*my phone battery dies*
ME: omg
WIFE: omg
ME: Liam Neeson’s gonna kiss me
If by “crunches” you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.