Worm CEO cuts workforce in half, doubles productivity
You Might Also Like
My Mom says since I’m 33 years old she no longer has to watch me do sweet cannonballs at the pool. That’s total bullshit.
He has notifications on for me pray for his phone
Surprise a beautiful person today by disagreeing with them.
Sir, would you like to upgrade your $7 small popcorn to a large and get a soft drink for an additional $1200?
Friend: Okay dating is really easy. You just have to act super natural
*later on date*
Me: *napkin on head* ooOOOooOo
My friend is trying to quit his addiction to marathons. He’s in a 55,000 step program.
You should ask her if she gained weight. That way she knows you’re paying attention to her.
It’s okay bowel syndrome, I am irritable too.
How many dates should you wait before revealing that you’re not proficient in Excel?
Having ordered a cake from Layer’s I requested they send change for 2000/- (conversation was in Urdu). This is what was delivered!
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it’s a website to find love. So I was close.
I’m just a girl reading the news in KYIV like “Kentucky four.”
I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.
Living well is decent revenge but the kind with catapults and fire is way better.
I’ve had a stressful day and writing a scathing email to the pork and bean company wasn’t on my list of things to do but here I am.
THEM: Yeah, I guess I’m just old-fashioned, I like TALKING on the phone like people used to do in more civil times.
ME: People used to burn witches and smoke on airplanes.
Me: so every time I work out I reward myself with a cookie
Them: isn’t that kind of defeating the…
Me: NOBODY ASKED YOU BRENDA!
My husband took 18 to a music festival and just texted me that he was “going in the mosh pit” and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I don’t think they call it that anymore and also he’s 49 and probably won’t survive that.
I wasn’t trying to put you on a pedestal. I was trying to bend you over it.
My life coach traded me.
At this wedding, the DJ played The Black Eyed Peas, everyone left the dance floor. I like these people.
When people show up unexpectedly for dinner:
Tonight we have slow boiled hot dog sat upon Dempsters bun with a tomato puree beside carrot sticks and crispy potato patty garnished with strawberry slices
If you live in denial of your emotions, it will take far longer to take care of them, because once we recognize what we’re feeling, we can tackle it or whatever is causing it.
📸: @blessingmanifesting
#positivemind #dailymotivation #keepmovingforward #personalgrowth
I wonder if those folks that wrote “Never change!” in my yearbook regret their choice of words.
Guy at the Xmas tree farm: When you bring it into your house, you need to let it stand in the corner of the room for a while to relax and acclimatise.
Me: Same.
some bucket lists are like “visit Paris”, my bucket list is more “see a guy get smucked off the top of a truck by an overpass”
My kid took out the trash without being asked so imagine my surprise moments later when he asked if he could spend $10 bucks on a video game.
Dentist: “Wow your teeth really got yellow since last time. I’m prescribing a new Snapchat filter.”
Our lord and savoury.