Are you Eminem?
Let’s find out…
You Might Also Like
Ice cream man: in a cup or in a cone
Me: cone please. I find the cups upset my stomach.
Can anyone recommend a hypnotist? I’m open to suggestion
I hate that feeling after surgery when you’re not sure if you’re awake or asleep or if you operated on the right patient.
GOD: u get powers for one day and this is what u do?
[every animal now has a startle reaction like a pufferfish]
[an obese tiger rolls by]
I like that they snuck the word “strum” right in the middle of “instrument”
murderer: run if you want to live
me: *starts sprinting*
murderer: not like toward me tho
Men say they love it when you get wet for them, but then complain when you flood their entire house.
My current diet all ends with an S.
Pizzas.
Hamburgers.
Tacos.
Nachos.
Everything that’s in sights.
Brand new white Adidas completely ruined by 6 steps into the dog park gate.
Dance like no one’s a werewolf. Eat like you found it in the couch. Shout like your cat’s sleeping. Feel good like a bossy poem told you to.
“I just bought a kitchen stove, but you know, you can never have too many of those. I should buy one for every room in the house.” -how Amazon believes people think
fool me once shame on you. fool me twice shame on me. fool me a third time this is a pretty good scam can i get in on it
The Internet wins again..👇👇🤣🤣🤣👏👏
Instead of taking melatonin just pay me to come to your home each night and I’ll tell you about my accounting job
[family of snakes boards a plane and spot Samuel L. Jackson a few rows back]
Father snake: oh no not this again
Baby snake: *starts crying*
Lube but for my dry humor.
The 1st cup was used in 1874, the 1st helmet was used in 1974. It only took 100 years to learn our brain is also important.
When guys hold up their legs while riding a motorcycle. Like oh r u having soooo much fun. Are you saying weeeeeee
Crockpots are such a tease because I hate waiting 6-8 hours to eat my food that I’ve been smelling all day.
Please, my pastrami on rye. It’s very sick.
Lots of people ask me why I’m still single and I don’t tell them anything, I just hang around them for a few minutes
Does anyone ever put a chip with too much dip on it into their mouth, then shove a second chip in there to even out the chip to dip ratio?
Ended my night saying “Stay goofy!” to a Waffle House waitress, and she replied: “You KNOW I will!”
me: so.. you know how you sometimes misplace stuff
wife: where’s the baby
If by speaking Spanish you mean speaking in English but slower and louder, then yes, I speak Spanish.
#rubbishjokes
What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth?The slowest swimmer.
If dogs can eat raw chicken, so can I.
– dead people
Hear me out!
A Terms & Conditions, written entirely in emojis.
Welcome to your 40s: see that kid over there dressed up like a cop, he’s actually 27, and he is a cop.
You know the person in exercise videos that’s doing the easy version of everything? I’m the guy behind that person eating chips.