My girlfriend left a tampon at my apartment and idk where the left one is. Anyone know where I can get a single left tampon to keep a set here for emergencies?
You Might Also Like
How to pick up a girl in a club:
1. Stare at her
2. Walk up to her
3. Shout stuff
When I was really young my dad told me if you hit a traffic cone with your car you have to go back home and start your journey again… and i’m not telling how old I was when I learnt this was a lie
Cake is healthy because it’s baked and not fried
My daughter says people on Facebook are warning to not post about your hairdresser if they make a house call because they’ll lose their license. I imagine vigilante beauticians using the cover of night to sneak out and fight dead ends and gray roots using their capes as…capes.
I don’t trust my arms or legs like I trust my hips
my hips don’t lie but but the rest of my body parts are bullshiters
If you broke up with your gf who works at a salad bar you can use the line “lettuce romaine friends” at a low cost of my student loans.
When one door closes another one opens. I should really get this cabinet fixed.
If I was a movie villain, I’d just make a bomb with all the wires of the same colour.
No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness
*Sends carrier pigeon back*
“I have a suitor.”
She said she wanted to try spouse swapping. Next thing I know she’s trading me for a toaster.
*my boss going around the room to figure out what employees are most incentivized by
Me: FOREHEAD KISSES
I had a stalker once but he saw me eating soup
An FBI profiler once told me there are very few psychopaths out there.
I booped his nose and said, “I beg to differ.”
*ninja group therapy
Therapist: Nobody showed up *again*?!
Waking up late is a great way to see which steps of your personal hygiene routine are really unnecessary.
Me: I know it hurts, but you’ll learn to love again.
Sheep: I don’t know. I can’t even look at ewe right now.
Doctor’s office: You’re overdue for a physical.
Me: Ok.
Dr: We recommend you getting one as soon as possible.
Me: Do I have to?
Dr: You really should get one ASAP.
Me: Ok. Fine. Schedule me for one.
Dr: The earliest appointment we have is 6 months from now.
Only in America would people violently trample each other for discounts, exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have…
I use the incognito browser to search how to do the things I told my wife I know how to do
Twitter: “Where people are openly Gay and secretly Republican”
Not all clowns are creepy. Many are just honest, hard-working operatives of Satan.
‘Tell me you want me’ he ordered.
‘I want you’ she said.
‘Now tell me you need me.’
‘I need you’ she sighed.
She hated calling tech support.
priest: your mission should you choose to accept it, is to face your fate
groom: can you please stop saying that
Why is Gorgeous the only thing you can be Drop-Dead. I wanna be drop-dead silly. Let my enemies crumble before me, overcome by the depths of my whimsy
inventor of grenades: *holding avocado* i wish this was louder
I abhor violence but I might get a smidge slappy for the last piece of lemon meringue pie.
As an adult I’ve caused the most trouble by pressing ‘send’
I think Tuesdays are worse than Mondays.
You can’t use “It’s Monday” as an excuse.
2-year-old: The dog tastes like dirt.
Me: Don’t lick the dog.
2: He licked me first.